MISSPELLING MONDAY for January 31, 2011

Who else is excited for baseball to start?  Pitchers and catchers report soon, soon, soon (in less than a month!), and I'm stoked.  But in the meantime, at least we can focus our attention on both Hot Stove and crappy misspellings...

FOODIE FRIDAY for January 28, 2011

BRIDGETE, who took this picture, says, "I read this one as "NEW! Your sharp cheddar cheese!"  I like that interpretation--it has much more personality than simply thinking that they meant to type York and typed your instead.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Happy birthday to me!

So today I'm officially 30 years old.  To those of you who sent in gifts of bad grammar, thank you!  The one in this post came from STEVE.  I suspect he was trying to make my brain explode.  I don't think I have ever red penned an entire two paragraphs before.  Yikes!  I also suspect that the person who wrote the above two paragraphs was a non-native English speaker.  At least, I hope that's the case--the errors are much more understandable (and also charming) if they're coming from someone who's trying really hard to learn the English language!  (If this came from a native English speaker, though, I feel like we're doomed.)

To those of you who couldn't find me a grammar error for my birthday, it's OK, I still love you...but I'd love you a bit more if you recommend Red Pen, Inc. to one or several of your friends.  You can also follow the Red Pen, Inc. blog network on Facebook and/or join RPI's Facebook fan page.  It's my birthday...I can afford to be absolutely shameless with self-promotion!

Why did it have to be *snakes*?

Which is worse--having a snake-invested house, or having a snake-infested house?  I'm guessing the latter.  Good thing the house in question here is only snake-invested...perhaps its realtors, owners, or other folks who have something to gain financially from this place are just slimy people?  ;)

Congratulations--I belong to a gym *and* I can spell!

So I've gone and joined a gym, and in the process I found a spelling error.  Whee!  Here's hoping that the gym will cure a little bit of my insomnia...and provide me with more RPI fodder.  ;)

On a related note, allow me to rant for a moment.  "Congratulations" is one of those words that gets me really, really cranky when I see it misspelled (and it's misspelled all the time).  That and "definitely."  I really feel that those two are inexcusable misspellings if you're over the age of 12 or so--those words are quite common, so people should make it a point to know how to spell them.

What misspelled words really tick you off?  I can't possibly be the only one here with misspelling-related pet peeves...

Double trouble!

On Friday afternoon, I think the grammar gremlins were seriously out to get me.  First I saw this in my inbox...

And then just five minutes later, I saw this:

I guess the good news was that I didn't have to go searching for grammar errors to feature in a blog post--they just, like, showed up.  The bad news was that there's only so much abuse I can take from the grammar gremlins in one day, and even before those emails appeared in my inbox, I'd already reached my limit.  But I will have you know that I was a good little grammarphile--I did not scream, punch the computer screen, or find the nearest bar and do copious amounts of shots.  I did, however, stick my tongue out at the computer screen.  Soooo mature, I know, but I needed to retaliate against those little gremlins somehow!

Looks like the police need the *grammar* police...

FAITH spotted this embarrassing error the other day.  Just in case you were ever wondering, this sort of error proves that the Grammar Police and the actual police are two totally separate entities.  ;)

This is a short (but snarky) post today because I spent 1.5 hours shoveling snow before going to work, so I kinda feel like hell.  Typing actually hurts because I have to move my shoulders (I'm not a total wuss, but I do have two herniated discs and really shouldn't be shoveling any snow).  I'll be back Monday with more grammar-related snark, and in the meantime I'm just going to hope that this Tylenol starts working...

Send presents, please!

In exactly one week I'll be 30 years old.  It's kind of hard to believe--I still look and sound like I'm in my very early 20's.  (Or younger--this year I've even gotten carded when I've bought lottery tickets.  Seriously.)

Anyway, I'm using my upcoming 30th birthday as an excuse to solicit for presents--and by "presents," I mean bad grammar, spelling snafus, homonym horror shows, etc.  Take pictures and/or take screenshots on your computer--and then send 'em to me by clicking here. 

Yes, I know, I'm shameless.  But it's (going to be) my birthday, dammit, and I'm exiting my 20's, so I think I'm justified.  ;)

F my grammar.

Today, I realized that the nasty stuff they're making me drink killed off a few of my brain cells, particularly the ones that deal with my grammar skills.  But at least the "goo" tasted like chicken!  FML.

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR: January 19, 2011

This may be the tamest Hump Day Grammar post ever.  But it counts because it has to do with having children, which obviously involves humping.  England might make it so that any firstborn child that William and Kate have, regardless of that child's gender, could have rights to the throne.  Presently the law allows only for a son, not a daughter, to have rights to the throne.  Oh yeah, and there's a homonym error in the article.  (The Yahoos wrote it--what the hell did you expect?)

I'll be back with something raunchier next week--it's only Wednesday, and this week has exhausted me too damn much already.  I don't even have it in me right now to be perverted.  But don't worry--lord knows that won't last...

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY: January 18, 2011

I see that Houlihan's is part of the Ace Restaurant Group.  Something tells me they're a better fit there than, say, the Ace Grammar Group.  Something about this little sign tells me that maybe the folks who work there aren't known for being aces at grammar...

Thanks to VICKI for spotting this error!

Copyeditors Needed Now strikes again!

I got into Project Runway after this season ended, and now every spare bit of time I have that isn't spent writing is spent watching Project Runway reruns on Lifetime.  Mondo is my favorite designer from this past season, and I loved that many of his designs were inspired by one of my favorite designers, Betsey Johnson.  Plus, Mondo has an awesome sense of style, seems quite cool, and was super-brave to talk about his HIV-positive status on TV.  Mondo is just generally kickass, which is why it annoys me so much that Copyeditors Needed Now threw a freakin' homonym error into this otherwise really good interview.  Those bastards are really on a roll this week, aren't they?

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR: January 12, 2011

 

That's one little science experiment I don't need to personally find the answer to--but if any of you little snow bunnies attempt sex on snow today, feel free to let me know if any of that snow underneath melted!  (But that's all I want to know.  Please keep the other details to yourself!)

As for me, I'm working from home--good thing, since it's 10 AM and I guess (from the fact that there's been no attempt whatsoever to dig me out) my landlords just assumed I wasn't leaving the house.  Until someone comes from the other side of that gate and removes some of the snow, I'm not going anywhere.  I can't even tell how much snow my town got because this is the only view I have outside my apartment, and it's just a wall of snow!

Happy Hump Day...and if you're in a snowy state like I am, be careful out there!

Copyeditors Needed Now is *so* creative that they've started inventing new words.

Rape is a serious thing and is, of course, no laughing matter.  Tipsteers, however, are totally giggleworthy!  Doesn't "tipsteer" just sound like a funny word (if it was a real word, which it's not)?

You know what I love?  When I take my cursor and I point it at a link on the Copyeditors Needed Now site, that link turns red.  I don't even have to drag out my red (Photoshop) pen to highlight this error!  Thanks, Copyeditors Needed Now, for making the process of me mocking your crappy writing just a little bit easier.  ;)

MISSPELLING MONDAY: January 10, 2011

I kinda wish there was an available entrance on 21st Street.  We could direct all the crappy spellers to that entrance, usher them into an auditorium, hand them dictionaries, and tell 'em to study up, because they'll be participating in a spelling bee.  I think watching a spelling bee--especially one where the contestants are all bad spellers--would be more entertaining than watching a chess tournament...  ;)

Thanks to MICHAEL for sending in this picture!

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Fellow beautyphiles, I've found the best body scrub for winter!  It's Philosophy's Candy Cane body scrub, which is actually gentle enough for you to use on your face.  Read my article about it here.  If you're not into scrubs, you can get the same great scent in a soothing lip gloss, delicious lotion, and refreshing 3-in-1 here.  Personally, I think winter sucks (I haaaaaaate snow, and more's on the way this week!), but minty, winter-scented stuff like the Candy Cane products are fun, at least!  :)

FOODIE FRIDAY: January 7, 2011

This is pretty pitiful:

But wait!  Someone tried to fix it!

Yep, that's much better.  *rolls eyes*

Thanks to SMOOCHIEFROG for these pictures!

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It's gonna be a snowy weekend. I recommend that you stay in, make some hot cocoa, and curl up with your favorite grammar books.  If you must go outside, I recommend buying a tube of Philosophy's "Kiss Me" to fix your chapped lips.  (Check out my review of "Kiss Me" here!)  Safe travels if you're out and about in the snow, and happy shoveling (well, as happy as shoveling gets, anyway)!

Someone needs to defuse these definition-related verbiage bombs!

Hmmm.  Since when did defuse = diffuse?  What sort of backwards dictionary is that?  (Thanks, AMY, for spotting this error!)

And, below, while one writer got the definition of emo more or less correct, the mechanical errors in this brief blurb were pretty appalling...

(If an actual emo kid wrote the definition of emo, please don't go cry in the corner.  My snarkiness isn't meant to be malicious.  Maybe you could listen to your My Chemical Romance CDs and go visit Hot Topic to cheer yourself up...?)

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR: January 5, 2011

There aren't any grammar mistakes in this sign...but since the sign embodies the spirit of Hump Day, I just had to post it here!  I wonder if the Wiener Lovers' Club gives a discount on Hump Day!  That would seem like a very logical/topical promotion, right?

I have no idea what the name of this store is or where it's located (dear readers, if you know, please clue me in!), but it looks like you get a free chili dog for doing something (joining the club, maybe? The printing on the sign is too small in this picture for me to read...).  I prefer wieners unadorned with chili--just the wieners and the buns, thanks! *giggle*--but hey, a free wiener is a free wiener, right?

Happy Hump Day to all you fellow wiener lovers out there!  And thanks to LadyStyx, who sent in this picture from FAILblog!

Help!

Help! I need somebody (who can spell)
Help! Not just anybody (and not one of those Yahoos)
Help! You know I need someone (to proofread these headlines)
Help...

Oh, those Yahoos!  The good news: They can properly spell the word "star."  Good for them!  The bad news?  Ringo's got two of the letter r in his last name.  He's Ringo Starr, dammit.

I guess whoever wrote that headline must not be a Beatles fan...

Back in business!

Hi there, lovely Red Pen, Inc. readers!  Hope your New Year's was grand and that your champagne hangovers have gone away.  As for me, I'm back to the daily grind, trying to focus on actual work, which is difficult; my mind's on my novels (the one I'm currently writing and the three other ones that are backlogged in my twisted little brain) and all I wanna do is write.

Regardless, I'm back at the blogging and therefore back in business...unlike the above store, which is not only going out of business, but also prepositionally preposterous.  They should have used of, not for, on that sign.  (Unless they go "out for business" the way that most of us go out for lunch...I dunno?  Yeah, I know, I'm really reaching here...)  The best part: they plastered that sign up in the window not once but twice, just so we couldn't possibly miss seeing all that awkwardness!

Thanks to DON for spotting this one!