Happy (early) birthday to me...

So my birthday's on Wednesday, and as a birthday treat to myself, I'm taking this week off from all things grammar-related. I'll be busy "relaxing," which means I'll be attempting to write my book, watching episodes of Dead Like Me and Lost, obsessing over Muse, and researching stats in hopes of achieving fantasy baseball domination for 2010. Next time I post here, I'll be the big 2-9. I'll be back next week with more delightfully snarky grammar goodness for you!

Oh, bother!

So BETSY writes that this picture "definitely provided some levity during a stressful birthday party (15 four-year-olds painting pottery is SERIOUSLY stressful, especially when you have girlie-girls who have to dress up for a party no matter what the activity!)"

But Betsy probably had an easier time of it at this party than poor Pooh did. Somebody made a really shitty typo in his name!

Also, is it just me, or does "Stroke & Coat" sounds kinda dirty? C'mon, I can't be the only pervert who giggled at that...right? RIGHT?!?

Thanks, BETSY, for finding this funny typo!

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for January 20, 2010

I'm really kinda hoping the rest of the questionnaire (or, dear lord, is this actually a test? Like in a school?) went something like this:

* What's the state bird of the state you live in? Cock

* What's the state animal of the state you live in? Beaver

* What food is your state's specialty? Crabs

And so on...

Thanks, LadyStyx, for finding this very funny Hump Day-themed FAIL!

Way to go, Georgia...

Y'all aren't really up on proper apostrophe placement, are you?

Indeed, this IS rather strange...

I'm feelin' pretty drag-ass this morning. Actually, it's not even technically morning anymore, but I'm still kinda unawake, so it still feels like morning to me.

But even looking at the error below through my usual Monday morning-ish haze of incoherency, it's still pretty funny:


The backstory--VICKI D, who sent in this picture, says: So much for "higher education"--my corporate finance teacher tells us she "strangely" suggests we submit the class survey. I suggest she gets a better grip on the English language...

I think this a very odd/funny mistake because even if the teacher had been going for "strongly," she'd still have screwed it up kinda royally there, since there's no "e" in "strongly." So it's not a case of mistyping one letter. It's a case of being slightly retarded with spelling. Edumacation at its finest!

Thanks, VICKI, for sending in this mistake! I'm off to go try to wake up now...

FOODIE FRIDAY for January 15, 2010

...and this is why bakeries need to start serving alcohol. Because grammatically-savvy folks like us cannot look at shit like this without wanting to drink. Copiously.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Conflicted.

That's right, kids--I'm conflicted.

On the one hand, I get filled with a lovely, snarky sort of bitchy glee when I see such absolutely heinously-written spam.

On the other hand, I also want to bang my head against my desk. Like 30 million times or so.

(The "Jesu" dude mentioned in the spammity-spam-spam above would probably not like me being a snarky bitch or a masochist. C'est la vie. I'll think I'll do at least one of those options purely out of spite.)

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for January 13, 2010

I should have called this the Anti-Hump Day Grammar post, because do we really want Speidi to reproduce? Nope, didn't think so.

If sex is not a fact in their marriage, does that make it a...fiction? (And while we're at it, can't we make it to that these two are fictional, too? They're really kind of annoying.)

I guess the point that Pratt (so aptly named) and People were trying to get across was that sex is not a factor in Speidi's marriage. Not that you'd know that from what was actually written in the article, of course...

Happy Hump Day, you wild and crazy kids! (Unless you're Spencer or Heidi, in which case...happy Celibate Day!)

Today's post is brought to you by the letter C...

That extra c really makes the word look kinda...clunky. (And yes, that's clunky, not "cluncky." Ugh.)

Thanks to WINONA for spotting this one!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for January 11, 2010

This is quite a bizarre misspelling. If you turned that "u" upside down, the word would be spelled correctly. But seriously, who the hell writes this sort of thing on a mug, looks at it, and goes, "Yep, that looks just fine"?

Note to mug-maker: If the goal was to have a non-retarded-looking mug, then no, you did not meet your deadline.

LAZY-ASS FRIDAY for January 8, 2010

Y'know, I think last Friday I was too lazy to even bother with doing a Lazy-Ass Friday post. Heh. Hopefully this one will make up for last week's supreme amount of laziness.

You guys know how much I love sports-related errors. For once, I've found an error that's completely related to anything Philadelphia. Texas, this one's your fault. If you're gonna make some nosie, fine, but how 'bout you also learn how to spell?

And this one comes from RYAN O. Move over, Ex-Lax...you've got competition from lithium batteries now!

That's all for now, kids. It's back to work/novel-writing/being lazy for me. Have fabulous weekends, and I'll be back with more grammar goodness for you on Monday!

I bet this person's IQ is a number less than the temperature at which things freeze...

I can't help wondering if this frigid weather has frozen the brains of the fine folks over at that place I like to call Copyeditors Needed Now. What other excuse could there possibly be for misspelling something as simple as the word arctic?

On a related note, I'm not sure which I loathe more: this freakin' freezing weather or silly misspellings. They're both right at the top of my shit list, alongside other evils such as pickles, spiders, tapered pants, and the Mets.

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for January 6, 2010

I think this qualifies as a Hump Day post because Mr. Kemp loves Rihanna's humps, her lovely lady lumps...as evidenced by the picture above.

I'd also like to point out that this Mr. Kemp is not a Mark, but a Matt. (He's a baseball player, so of course I know his name. Duh.) If these Yahoos had bothered to check the Dodgers' roster, they would have known his name, too.

And seriously, where the hell is Mexica?

Way to go, Yahoo...screwin' stuff up one name at a time!

Happy Hump Day, you wild and crazy kids!

Oh, Craigslist...

...you never fail to astound me.

*shakes head*

(The worst part? Somewhere, somehow, there's probably a taker for this "swimming poo." You KNOW how wacky those Craigslist people are.)

Thanks to SARAH R. for spotting this stinky little spelling error!

Voila--it's a homonymically-challenged idiot!

The voila/viola mistake gets me every time. See the cover of "Foot-Fighting" in the picture there? Yeah. Anyone who makes this goofy mistake is totally someone I wanna kick in the chest, just like that.

Thanks, MAGGIE, for sending in this little error!

Happy first-day-back-at-work-after-the-holiday, everyone! :)

Happy (belated) New Year from Red Pen, Inc!

Yeah, so I meant to post this quite a few hours ago when it was still actually January 1 (well, for you West Coast readers, it still is, but I'm still running late for the rest of you). But I've been keeping some serious vampire hours lately, and today I woke up around 4:30 PM, which means right now it feels like late afternoon to me. But better late than never, so here's your cute little New Year's typo.

Speaking of the new year, my primary resolution is to finish the damn novel I'm working on...which means this is really just the beginning of my vampire hours. Posting RPI posts at weird times? Yeah, it's gonna happen. You've been warned! ;)