HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for September 30, 2009

This picture isn't exactly Hump Day-related--it's not about sex.

But it is about ass. So it kinda counts.

PETER, who took this screenshot, says: Isn't Blue Mountain one the biggest players, if not the biggest, in the e-card business? I can think of many businesses in which spelling isn't important, but e-cards isn't one of them.



See? When you misspell easy words like occasions, you look like an ass. And you should be embarrassed. And you should not put any ass into words when it doesn't really belong there.

Thanks, PETER, for finding this error! And to all my Red Pen readers--a happy Hump Day to you!

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for September 29, 2009

MarieC has given us a To/Too/Two Tuesday conundrum! She says: This is on the container for the new McDonald's Angus burgers (which are quite tasty, BTW), and I sat and stared at it all through lunch, wondering whether or not I should submit it. An argument could be made that this homonym error was intentional, but in that case, it should have been "meat." Either way, the person responsible for this homonym error has made mincemeat of proper spelling and grammar!

I'm still trying to decide how I feel about this. When I first looked at the picture and saw meat where meet should have been, that definitely threw me off a little bit because it just doesn't look right. That being said, I have a good bit of background in promotion/advertising, and I do understand the use and significance of puns. Problem is, I can't figure out if this was a clever pun and I'm just being really picky, or if this was either a not-so-clever pun (because it causes the reader to stare confusedly at it) or an unintentional homonym error.

Dear readers, what are your thoughts on this? Comment away!

Thanks, MarieC, for finding this thought-provoking picture!

Spamtastic!

Glory be to God...you can't write worth crap. This entire e-mail should have been marked up with red pen, but in this case I only red penned the really entertaining parts. He doesn't use articles where he should be using them, he uses prepositions where he shouldn't be using them, and his run-on sentences seemingly go for miles and miles and miles.

Also, I'm not vindictive or destructive, but I am a snarky grammar bitch. And this dude is totally a criminal...a grammar criminal, that is!

FOODIE FRIDAY for September 25, 2009

Has it been One Of Those Weeks for you? Because it has totally been One Of Those Weeks for me. Every day this week when I've left work, I said goodbye to my co-workers, who always tell me "See you tomorrow"...and every time they said that, I shrugged and replied with a very noncommittal "maybe." They laughed; I wasn't entirely kidding. I'm not sure they believe me when I say I'm going to run (or fly) off to England or Minnesota. (Not necessarily joking about that either, kiddos.)

I am very tempted to drink my lunch today. But instead I'll have to settle for giggling at these alcohol-related RPI submissions. First up, from BRIANNE:

I'm not sure what Vanilla Voda is... BRIANNE's theory is that these folks have been spending a little too much time imbibing and not enough time proofreading. I'm inclined to agree.

And then there's this one, from JOHN...



I feel like getting Pina Coloaded right now. *sigh*

Happy Foodie Drinky Friday, everyone!

Clammin' up...

MarieC always has such entertaining stories. She says: I used to work in a publications department at a consulting firm. It was our tradition to bring back little trinkets from vacation to give to coworkers. Imagine my horror when, upon giving one of these little beauties to my editor, she pointed out that it read "a century of reclamtion," not "a century of reclamation." I don't think there ever were any clams in Lake Mead, so they could hardly be talking about a century of reintroducing clams to the lake. This might explain why these keychains were such a bargain...

Thanks, MarieC, for this funny picture...and even funnier story!

This is some epic spam right here, folks...

Although I love to mock the spammy items that feature a bunch of grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, and punctuation problems, sometimes the funniest kinds of spam are the ones that include very few mechanical errors, yet still make you shake your head multiple times, muttering "WTF?" under your breath. Like this one:

Sir and Lady? There's just a lady here, thankyouverymuch.

"Yours members"? No, dude, this isn't the day for Hump Day Grammar.

Also, this is not really an original initiative--I've gotten plenty of spam before. But the writing in this piece of spam? Yeah, it's kind of...original. And that's putting it nicely.

What the hell is "a hold project"?

I don't want to read news of this person's evolution unless she's going to do something crazy like randomly sprout fins or some other fun, additional appendage.

"Advices and supports"? Wonderful. I've always wanted to see what happens when I combine decent (although improperly pluralized) suggestions and jockstraps. Sounds like fun!

I think Red Pen, Inc. is good, so I'm communicating the information right here.

"Sorry for my bad English." Ooh, this is a first. Nobody ever actually apologizes for their grammatical infractions. Grammar offenders are usually so rude. At least this spam-writer made an attempt at being polite. Not that his politeness excuses him for all this nonsensical writing, of course...

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for September 23, 2009

I'm a pretty unshockable person. I'm a quirky enough girl that not much seems really weird to me.

This, however, I find to be pretty damn weird:


Who the hell would wear this shirt? It's an awful color green, there's a heinous misspelling on the front of it, and nobody wants to see the word "sex" in the same sentence as the word "leprechaun."

Also? Suuuuuuure you didn't, buddy. Methinks the man doth protest too much...

Happy Hump Day, you crazy kids!

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for September 22, 2009

How many ways can your/you're get screwed up?

Quite a few ways, apparently...and here are some funny examples.

Hmmm, are you sure your problems will be gone tomorrow? Your basement might be less flooded, but your delicate grammar sensibilities may feel very violated... (Thanks, STEVE, for this one!)

And then these two are from KIRSTEN, who says: This is the interface for the Internet version of XM Radio. The status message at the top scrolls through various messages, listing the hosts, guests, call-in numbers, etc. These were taken during a commercial break (the MLB channel plays commercials) advertising other programming on XM. The first one I saw said "Your're Covered." Then when they played a similar ad, it said "Your Covered." Not any better.

Thanks, STEVE and KIRSTEN, for these funny homonym (and spelling) errors!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for September 21, 2009 (2 of 2)

It's Monday...and I already need a drink. I wouldn't mind some wine (cab sauv, please!)...



OK, change that "wouldn't mind" to "totally need." Especially after seeing that silly misspelling. And also especially after noting that "Califorina" rhymes with something very, very funny. (Yes, I have a sophomoric sense of humor. Deal with it.)

Thanks, JOHN, for spotting this misspelling!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for September 21, 2009 (1 of 2)

LISA S. writes: "I was reading my daughter a book at the pediatrician's office and ran across this... Thankfully I had my camera! So much for educating my child!"

Now, I don't know much about stock cars, but I do know that when you Google "stockcar" it brings up a list of things that are about "stock cars"...so I'm going to assume that it's really a two-word phrase, despite what this book's cover says...

As bad as it is to screw up "stock car" (multiple times!), it's even worse to screw up "prepares." Looks like the crew screwed up--the part that's missing is the letter e...

Thanks, LISA S., for spotting these funny errors!

FOODIE FRIDAY for September 18, 2009--part 2

In the Foodie Friday post I wrote earlier, I mentioned how today I would be doing my part to promote healthy eating. We've already talked about dieting and salads, but now let's take a different approach to ensure that we're not tempted to go pig out on all sorts of sugary goodness. Behold:



Who's hungry now? Anybody? Anybody...?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

*evil laughter*

Thanks to LINDA for sharing this photo with us! Happy Friday, everyone!

FOODIE FRIDAY for September 18, 2009--part 1

Y'know, sometimes I feel bad when I write Foodie Friday posts, because I'm often talking about really yummy things like tater tots, cupcakes, and pies... And none of those things are necessarily good for people to eat. None of them are particularly healthy...and here I go, writing posts that make you hungry for these things.

So the theme of today's Foodie Friday posts is dieting. Today I won't be writing about any delectably tempting pastries or mouth-watering fried foods.

Let's talk about...salads.



I love how these guys make the salad out to be evil! (No, it's actually their editors who are evil, since they let a really simple agreement error slide by.) They do have a point--if your salad is loaded up with all sorts of creamy, greasy goodness, then yeah, it's gonna be unhealthy.

One of my biggest food quirks is that I loathe condiments. I just don't eat them (the one exception: honey with chicken fingers/nuggets, especially if I'm at Chick-Fil-A...does that even count as a condiment, though?). And the thought of putting any sort of dressing on my salad horrifies me. I looooooove veggies...and I really enjoy how yummy a salad of nothing but fresh, crisp vegetables can be (sometimes, if I'm feeling sassy, I'll add some grilled chicken or dried cranberries...but nothing slimy or liquidy like dressing can touch my veggies!)

Dear readers, what are your food quirks? :)

Looks like we need some spelling heroes to swoop in and save the day...

I really like certain organizations' enthusiasm. It's not enough for them to be featured on Red Pen, Inc. just once. No, certain overachievers--like OPC--like to keep giving me reasons to mock 'em, and I'm all too happy to oblige.



You'd think that if these folks were so excited about supporting their heroes, they'd at least figure out how to properly spell the plural form of the word. *sigh* Thanks, MELODY, for sending in this funny flyer!

And on the topic of heroes, check this out...

What exactly is a "heroine addict"? Someone who likes Wonder Woman and She-Ra a little bit tooooooo much?

When the amount of hair he has is unbearable...

When you're dealing with a guy who looks like this...



...no normal type of hair removal process will do.

Shaving him would be cumbersome...

Waxing him? We've seen how well that works already...

And clearly, he needs more than just a simple haircut.

But wait! The lovely linguist WORDACIOUS has found the perfect place for us to take this guy...

Yes, this guy needs a bear trim*! And at the low, low price of $4, it's quite the bargain!

Thanks, WORDACIOUS, for finding a solution to this very hair problem!

* Obviously the sign should have said beard trim. But this is much funnier, don't you think?

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for September 16, 2009

I'm slooowly comin' down from the hyperness from the beginning of the week...but as I am coming down, something else is coming up. Is it:

a. someone's penis after he's taken one of those crazy penis enlargement pills?

b. the number of penis-related spam-mails LadyStyx seems to be getting lately?

c. the energy level of whoever wrote this silly piece of spam, since he or she was so excited about talking about penis enlargement pills that he/she omitted the necessary spaces between the words?

d. all of the above?



Yeah, I think the answer's probably d.

Thanks, LadyStyx, for exploring your spam folder just to find something amusing for Hump Day Grammar! :)

This is a very special kind of breakfast food...

You know what's awesome? When I'm hyper and I want to post, like, seventy RPI posts a day.

I also giggle a lot when I'm hyper.

And I can't stop giggling at this...

I was going to wait 'til the end of the week to post this (on Foodie Friday, of course!), but my giggles got the best of me and I had to post it RIGHT. FREAKIN'. NOW.

Thanks so much to LadyStyx for spotting this on FAILblog! And thanks to the cherry Amp for giving me this boundless energy today (wheee!)...

Tuesday is MUSE day...

...in my country, at least. The Resistance was released in the US today. I've been listening to the album online since the band started streaming it from their website last week. My take on the album is below. Enjoy!

If you wanna check out the album for free, click here to head over to Muse's website; if you sign up as a member on their website (again, totally FREE), you can check out The Resistance for yourself in the "Media Player" section!

-------------------------------------

Each time I hear it, I feel like I'm standing on top of something big, something tall, something exceptionally formidable--something Mount Everest-like--with my eyes closed. And when I open my eyes and blink a time or two, I realize that what I'm standing on isn't so big as compared to what's surrounding me. There I am, facing supermassive amounts of space all around me, space as far as the eye can see, and I'm feeling awfully tiny in the midst of, and on the edge of, something absolutely fucking huge.

That's the sense I get every time I hear Muse's The Resistance. In a word: epic. In another word: incendiary.

The Resistance starts out with the single "Uprising," which is typical Muse stuff: gritty, growling guitar sounds a la "Time Is Running Out" with politically-tinged, anti-control lyrics and a Green Day "American Idiot" sort of vibe. But that's the only song on the album that could really be classified as typical Muse.

While Muse's usual lyrical messages are woven throughout many songs on the album, The Resistance is different from the band's other albums in terms of its sound. Its sound is...well, big. It's more evolved, richer. From rock to beats to classical, this album's sound is all-encompassing and all over the place--but yet somehow it flows together harmoniously, sounding peaceful rather than cacophonous or chaotic.

"Unnatural Selection" is a true gem of a song, with a guitar riff that rivals that of the band's international superhit "Plug In Baby" and boasts larger than life vocals from Matthew Bellamy, the band's diminutive lead guitarist/singer whose mere presence often easily dominates the stage. "MK Ultra" has the aural and lyrical intensity of "Map of the Problematique" and "Supermassive Black Hole," yet somehow manages to simultaneously sound more polished and more frenzied than either of those songs.

There's something about "Guiding Light" and "You Belong to Me" that sound unusually sweet and somehow slightly old-fashioned for Muse, lyric-wise and sound-wise. Parts of "Undisclosed Desires" are reminiscent of the sound and feel of '80s-era Depeche Mode songs. The gorgeous "United States of Eurasia" and "Resistance" both sound Queen-esque at times, but not annoyingly so; these songs possess Queen's epic kind of larger-than-life sound.

On The Resistance, it's clear that thoroughly modern Muse have been inspired by classic and classical artists from yesteryear. This band is wise enough to understand that sometimes in order to move forward and evolve, you've gotta take a step or two back and pull from the past--and they make this tactic work for 'em big-time on The Resistance.

No, no, wait--not big-time. Not even huge-time. More like monumental-time. Colossal-time...and then some.

Today's Red Pen, Inc. post is brought to you by...

...the letter N. Or, more appropriately, the snafus that arise when there's one N too many, or not enough N to go around. Behold:



JOHN Z. found this error, committed by those Yahoos whom we love to mock so much. I'm just wondering...should we pronounce this word like "tennis" or like "teeeee-nis"? *cue Beavis and Butt-Head style laughter here*




And MIKE F. found this amusing error...



The mistake might not be as obvious in this picture, so let me illustrate it for you below:

Evan and Eva are not the same person, and Evan is too busy playing baseball to star in movies!

Thanks, JOHN and MIKE, for spotting these funny errors!

Why MTV sucks...and why Muse is awesome!

Oh, boy, do I ever have a story for you guys today.

It's not even a grammar-related story. (We'll get back to the grammar-related stuff tomorrow.) In fact, it's more entertaining than a grammar-related story. So settle in...this is gonna be a more lengthy post than usual!

So last night, the MTV Video Music Awards happened. As part of the VMAs, my favorite band, Muse, was playing a free show for its fans (in a separate venue from the actual VMAs), and part of that show would be televised for the VMAs. I had a ticket to this show, and so I got dressed up in a pretty Betsey Johnson dress, knee-high black boots, and headed to the city.

Check-in was scheduled to start at 7:00 PM. I arrived at 5:30, sized up the line, and--knowing that venue capacity was about 950 or so--figured getting in wouldn't be a problem for me.

Except, you see, it was a problem. 1iota, the company who was helping MTV fill the seats with people, miscounted. Or maybe it was MTV who miscounted. Anyway, somebody screwed up...to the tune of 200 tickets. They kept telling us they "lost 200 tickets." Lost them? Where the hell did they go? (I'm wondering if MTV swiped 200 tickets to give to their people...seems like the most plausible explanation.)

I was about 50 people back from where they stopped letting people into the show. I was not happy. The 50 people in front of me were not happy. The--no joke--thousands of people behind me? Also not happy. (Why on earth MTV and 1iota allowed all those people far back behind me in the line to stand there knowing for sure that there was no way they were getting in to see the show is beyond me. Also, from having run plenty of events before, I'm aware that everyone overbooks venues for these types of events. But they overbooked this one by at least 3 or 4 times capacity, from what I can tell, and that's just ridiculous.)

So they made the announcement that the venue had reached capacity. This was met with more boos than a Mets/Phillies game in Philadelphia, plus a very well-organized chorus of "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" that lasted for several minutes. Not surprisingly, the sucker from MTV who had to break the bad news to us got heckled like mad, and I was actually surprised nobody beat the crap out of him. Most people, annoyed at the bad news, started to leave the area and go somewhere else.

Not me, though. I stood with a group of about 30 die-hards right at the front of the venue. This helped me re-define my idea of hell. I've decided that hell really is being about 10 feet away from the door of a venue where your favorite band is performing, being able to hear bits and pieces of the show through the door, the show sounding really effin' good, but not being allowed to go in and actually see the show. Ugh.

This group of die-hards was a very diverse and creative group. I busied myself with alternating between making snarky comments to the other pissed-off people standing with me and also trying to sweet-talk the MTV guy into letting us go stand in the lobby for the show (the latter didn't work, even though I was very charming and nicely dressed). The two guys standing behind me were busy turning their Muse sign that they made for the show into a "Fuck MTV" sign. The kid with the mohawk was trying to figure out if we could collectively knock down the barricades in front of us and stampede our way in to the concert. The couple to my left was trying to figure out what songs the band was playing (for the record, I know they played the following: "Unnatural Selection," "United States of Eurasia," "Undisclosed Desires," and "Uprising" from The Resistance; "Hysteria" and "Time Is Running Out" from Absolution; "Map of the Problematique," "Supermassive Black Hole," and "Knights of Cydonia" from Black Holes & Revelations--somebody thought they heard "Starlight," too, but I didn't hear it; and "Plug in Baby" from Origin of Symmetry).

And all of us booed any asshole who had the audacity to come to the show late, wearing a VIP wristband, and get let in. Peter Frampton (note: this may very well not have been Peter Frampton even though the crowd was convinced it was; see Ben's note in the comments. Now I'm curious as to who this may have been. I definitely recognized the dude, but I just believed the people behind me who said he was Frampton...hmmm...) was one such person. Oh, if only the people who like the band the most were the ones who actually got to go see the show...sigh.

So the aforementioned MTV sucker came over to our little group of die-hards and told us that he was gonna try to do something nice for us if we'd behave and not cause too much of a ruckus. The plan was that he'd be able to herd us all into some sort of primo spot for when Matthew Bellamy (Muse's singer/lead guitarist) was going to come out and play guitar outside for a little bit.

Well, guess what? The MTV sucker screwed up or lied. (Couldn't see that one coming, right? *rolls eyes*) He tried to convince the group of us to hang out behind Alexa what's-her-name and be on TV, but those of us who were smart figured out where Matthew was going to be and made a run for it. I eyed up the area and saw a ton of people already standing close to the barricade. Then I looked around to figure out who had a good spot who might not mind standing next to a cute girl in a pretty dress. I saw a group of guys right near the section of barricade that was by the door that MB would be coming out of. I squeezed my way in there, smiled nicely, and slid right between two of the guys. Success! I got to be right up at the barricade for when MB jumped out the elevator doors, played a couple notes on his guitar, made an adorably goofy face, and jumped right back in the elevator doors. In fact, I was about 5 feet away from him when he came out...

...which was cool and all, but it simply wasn't enough. See, I'd been out there in a designer dress and painful boots for many hours at that point, and I wanted to make it worth my while somehow. Which meant there was only one thing I could accomplish to make the night not suck:

I had to meet the band.

Luckily, I have mad band-meeting skills. No, seriously. I tend to amaze people with my stories of how I met so-and-so. Sometimes I dumb into meeting bands (the "right place, right time" approach), and sometimes I'm watchful and patient and scheme my way into it (the "Miss Penny Lane" approach...I'm a band-aide, dammit, not a groupie!).

Let me also interject at this point--Muse is not just a band to me. They're my favorite band...but they're still so much more than that. They're a huge inspiration to my writing, and there's something about their music and their lyrics that just makes more sense to me than any other band's music has. There are things about their music that have actually made me get major breakthroughs in regards to my novel. I'd go as far as to say Matthew Bellamy's my idol. I like what he writes, I like how he writes it, and I like the effect it has on my own creativity. These are the reasons I didn't just walk away once I realized I wasn't getting into the show...or once I saw MB outside for 5 seconds playing guitar...or when the show ended and the cops were trying to convince everyone outside the front of the venue that the band had already left.

I smelled bullshit. So I took a little stroll around the building. Found the back of the venue. Also found a small group of fellow Muse fans waiting there. And by "there," I mean right by the big, black SUV that Muse would be using to leave the venue. Sweet!

So I waited.

And then a couple security guards came out.

And I waited some more.

Muse's driver, already in the car, looked bored to tears.

I kept waiting.

I began to worry about my positioning. I would be on their left side when they came out of the venue. I wanted to be on the other side. There was no good way for me to get over there.

Kept waiting, though.

Until 12:15. At that point I decided I'd had enough. My feet were killing me. I hadn't eaten anything but Swedish Fish all day. And I didn't want to take the 1:37 AM train back home.

So I started to walk away.

And then the security guards brought out barricades.

And the girl who had been standing next to me called out, "Don't leave! They have barricades--they're coming out soon!"

Lo and behold, when she said that, I was...on the other side of Muse's car. The right side. Exactly where I wanted to be. In fact, I was the last person they'd see as they would get into their car. From experience, I know that's damn good positioning. And I'd just dumbed into that good position. So I stayed there.

The security guards placed the barriers in front of us, which I was actually happy about--finally, something to lean on! And then about ten minutes later...

MUSE CAME OUT OF THE VENUE.

Matt came out first, smiling and tiny in a brown jacket. He greeted the people on each side of the barricade. And he came over and SHOOK MY HAND, to which I could only smile and say "thank you." It was probably the most sincere thing I could have said. I owe a lot of my own creative inspirations to that man.

Then Dom came out, and not only was he taller than I expected, he was also a lot more attractive than I'd thought. He signed an autograph for me and said "Cheers!" in that adorable British way.

And then Matt came back over to my side of the barricade. The girl next to me started talking to him, and as he talked to her, I caught a glimpse of his pretty blue eyes. As he was still talking to her, he took the pen and paper that I had in my hand and signed it for me, and then went back over to the other side of the barricade to sign for those people. I wished I could have talked to him a little bit more--I had something I wanted to tell him, actually--but I didn't want to be a rude bitch and interrupt his conversation with a fellow fan.

Last but not least, Chris came out, and although the entire band was obviously in somewhat of a hurry (although let me also add that they were extremely nice and gracious even though they needed to leave, and it seemed like they paid a good bit of attention to everyone there), Chris seemed the most in a hurry. He only signed a couple of autographs, but he signed for me! (Gotta love that position of literally being between the band and their car...they really can't help but give you a little attention.)

And then Matt came back through, this time headed into the car. As he was about to climb in, I called, "Bye, Matt--thanks!"...and he turned over his shoulder, looked right at me, gave me a little smile and a tiny wave. I nearly died of happiness. Yes, seriously. And then Dom came through again to jump in the van, and I called bye and thanks to him too, and he, too, turned, smiled, and waved at me.

Once the car had taken off, I thanked the security guards for being so nice, and then I took off. And I mean literally took off. As in, running down Seventh Avenue, screaming into my cell phone, "OMIGOD I JUST MET MATTHEW BELLAMY!!!!"

The nice thing about New York City is that even when you act like a total maniac, nobody really gives a damn. Good thing, too, because all the way back to the train station, I was carrying on like this. It was sort of like OMIGOD DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN? I JUST MET MATTHEW BELLAMY! I JUST MET MUSE! I WANT TO MARRY THEM! ALL OF THEM! THEY'RE SO ADORABLE AND BRITISH! OMIGOD, DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN? MATTHEWFUCKINGBELLAMY!!!!!!!

I've met a zillion bands before, but I'm usually really good about keeping my cool after I've met them. Apparently this time was the exception. This time I turned into a joyful, screaming sorority girl. And I didn't give a damn what anyone thought about it.

I'm thrilled that I managed to turn what could have been a really sucktacular night into a totally spectacular night. I'm glad I've still got my band-meeting magic, or mojo, or whatever the hell it is that I have. I may have gone to the city for a concert, but I got something much, much better. I got to actually meet someone whose work has inspired me more than anything else has. I got to shake his hand, thank him, get an autograph, and have him wave and smile at me--just me. Really, I couldn't have planned it any better.

As my wise mom, MAMA GRAMMARPHILE, told me this morning--sometimes things happen for a reason. There will be other Muse shows, and I'll get to see those shows (as long as they're not free shows run by the mathematically-challenged idiots at MTV), but I may never have that sort of opportunity again.

And you know what? It was so totally worth it. The stress, the blisters on my feet, the annoyance at MTV...yeah, all of it was worth it. And if I knew the situation would have a similar good outcome...well, I'd do it all over again.

By the way? The pen I gave Muse to sign my autographs with...was red. And now it's going to be the Sacred Pen. (Gotta find some way to mark it so it doesn't get mixed up with all the other red pens I have floating around the house.) How appropriate for a Grammarphile, hmmm? Just another reason for me to love my red pen...because Matt, Dom, and Chris signed stuff for me with it!

As for the pictures above--the first three across the top row are of Matt. The last one in the first row is of Chris. The second row is all autographs. From left to right: Matt's signature, Matt's signature with the Sacred Pen, Dom's signature, and Chris's signature.

I'll still be on a band-meeting high tomorrow, but I'll be back with some more grammar goodness then... :)

P.S. In all the Muse-related excitement, I forgot to mention that I was right underneath this balcony that Gerard Butler was standing on to rehearse his little MTV bit. Cool, huh?

P.P.S. I'm still randomly shrieking. Like, not even saying anything--just shrieking. Because that's the sort of crazed energy this has given me.

P.P.P.S. When I have a day when I'm wondering why the hell I'm in NY (those happen frequently), I'm going to remember to look back on yesterday--a day I spent skipping through Manhattan in a gorgeous designer dress, basking in the afterglow of meeting my favorite band, and giggling like a freakin' maniac. These sorts of things are why I'm in this crazy city, and I don't wanna forget that.

Fun stuff for Friday!

Ahhh, it's Friday afternoon. Time to slack off! And I'm here to help you slack off, fellow slaves to the office. Hopefully the following links will serve as pleasant distractions for you as you watch the clock in anticipation of getting the hell outta your cube...

* An interesting NYT article dealing with choosing just the right word... Thanks for this one, KEITH!

* I think I've mentioned before that sometimes it's necessary to not proofread just your words, but also look over your photography for errors. People magazine, I'm talking to you. The fine folks at Deadspin noticed that this article about Erin Andrews wasn't entirely about Erin...

* In other news from the world of sports, check out this football-related spelling FAIL.

* The Huffington Post found a whole bunch of crazy/scary/funny signs from town hall protests. The "youth in Asia" ones are my favorites... The "Pubic Option" one's a classic, too!

Enjoy your weekends, everyone...and c'mon back for more grammar goodness (OK, more like badness) on Monday!

FOODIE FRIDAY for September 11, 2009

A few days ago, my co-worker Amy and I went to the Borders near our office. While Amy was at the cafe counter ordering a drink, I spotted the following sign...



They must be running a new promotion--with every Seattle's Best Coffee drink you buy, you get a shot of Seattle's Best Misspelling, absolutely free! (Still no lids for those drinks, though. Sorry! Take care to not let the misspellings spill out the sides of your cups...)

Special thanks to Amy for keeping the barista occupied while I surreptitiously snapped this picture!

Things this GraphJam post has taught me:

1. Apparently using concise language is a lost art. (Wouldn't that headline sound better if it was written like "Things Dora the Explorer has taught little girls"?)

2. Life long and lifelong are not quite the same thing, and the latter would have been the better choice in this case.

3. What is a mid-drift? Is it like a snowdrift, only with more skin showing?

4. Dora's a freakin' hussy!

Thanks, KIM, for spotting this disastrous picture!

It's not the first (or fist) time I've found a silly typo...

Every time I look at this error that LadyStyx sent over, I get that old Foreigner song in my head. Except that then I replace "first" with "fist" in the lyrics, and so the line in question becomes "feels like the very fist time," which makes me giggle. A lot.

I do hope this guy keeps his fists away from those bulls...I'm pretty sure that's not how people are supposed to fight bulls!

Thanks, LadyStyx, for finding this amusing error!

Don't be an ass when it comes to spelling...

In case you're ever having difficulty remembering how to spell the word assassination, just remember that in this case, two asses are better than one. Not one ass and one as, but two asses.

And if you forget to put that second ass in assassination? Just look in the mirror, and you'll see an ass looking right back atcha... ;)

You're hiring for what kind of position...?

Really? And here I thought the top job they'd like to get filled would be a proofreader position. For their own site. Because it's clear that they need one...

Is it just me, or does the "word" pyschiartist sound kinda dirty if you say it aloud?

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for September 8, 2009

Rachel Guzy: WIN! Kudos to her for saving 9 kids from being injured--or worse!

Whoever wrote/edited this article: FAIL! Rachel pulled the emergency brake so that the children inside the bus wouldn't break. See? Those words aren't interchangeable. Ugh!

My very own little Labor Day FAIL...

I'm not at work today because it's a holiday--yay! But the picture below is of the calendar I have hanging on my cube wall at work. It's a Phillies calendar filled with pictures of the 2008 Postseason. The glare renders him unrecognizable, but that is a picture of Ryan Howard.

For once, though, I'm not gonna talk about the ballplayer. (No, for real. I mean it.) Let's take a closer look at the dates on this calendar...

According to the Phillies, Labor Day was last week and on a...Tuesday? WTF?

This calendar is a World Phuckin' Champion WIN...and a Holiday Awareness FAIL!

Happy Labor Day, everyone! (Yes, today really is the real Labor Day!)

Fun stuff for Friday!

It's Friday afternoon of a holiday weekend. I'm about to head out of work (woo-hoo!), and if you're still stuck at your job, I bet you're being a slacker, 'cause that's just what happens on the Friday afternoon before a three-day weekend.

So since you're already slackin' (and don't try to tell me you're not, 'cause I'm not gonna believe you), here are a few links to entertain you and further distract you from getting any real work done...

* Proof that sometimes you need to proofread your pictures in addition to just proofreading your words...

* From the Hall Monitor: It's edumacation at its finest!

* A name choice FAIL, a baseball-related FAIL (thanks, LadyStyx!), and a spelling FAIL/screwy abbreviation FAIL.

Have a happy and safe Labor Day weekend, everyone!

FOODIE FRIDAY for September 4, 2009

Some say potato, some say po-taahhh-to--and apparently some say tater tots while others say...


Tader tots.

I realize that when some people pronounce "tater," it sounds like "tader," but really--"tater" comes from the word "potato." It does not come from "potado"...especially since there is no such word.

These are the things that bad spellers should think about when they're trying to spell words that are challenging to them. Where does this word I can't spell come from? Is there any way I can use an existing word to help me figure out how this word is spelled?

Also, is this website advertising a free order of tater tots, or a free odor of tater tots? Since they used "oder"...well, we can't be entirely sure, now can we? If they actually meant odor...well, I'm guessing that the odor smells like potatoes. Not potadoes or potados...but potatoes.

Why, yes...

I am a sports fan! But, see, I'm a sports fan as opposed to a sportsfan, because sportsfan ain't a real word.

I'm so much of a sports fan, in fact...



...that of course I know that the super-hot Jayson Werth does not spell his name like Jayon. Ugh.

I'd also like to point out that in addition to being a sports fan and a girl who looooooves hot baseball players, I'm also a girl bright enough to realize...

...that when you're trying to figure out how to spell something, perhaps it would be better to actually research the thing you're trying to spell instead of spelling it phonetically and totally fucking it up. Because Scootarow might sound like Scutaro, but Scootarow is really not the correct way to spell Marco's last name. Not by a long shot.

Thanks to fellow sports fan, BILF lover, and smart speller CRANE for the Scutaro error!

Muse-related musings.

As many of you know, my second favorite (second only to Beck, who's been my very favorite musician since 1996) musical genius is Muse. I love their music, their lyrics, Matt Fucking Bellamy (because he's the fucking awesomest!), and pretty much everything about them. They are seriously amazing, and I often can't shut up about them.

I love how Muse is good to their fans. For instance, anyone who pre-ordered their new album (The Resistance, due out 9/14 in the UK, 9/15 in the US and Canada; preview 30-second snippets of the songs by clicking here) gets a new download sent to them every week leading up to the album's release.

However, I have a little problem with this week's download...



Sneak peak? PEAK?!? Muse, can you please fire that silly person you've got writing your e-mail blasts and hire me instead? I'm better at grammar, and probably much more adorable than whoever you've got now. You wouldn't even have to pay me--if, like, Matt walked by and said hi to me every once in a while (and yes, I know that as their e-mail blast bitch I'd likely not be working anywhere near where the band actually is, but I'm dreaming here, so work with me, OK?), and nobody cared that I'd scream and squeal for an hour or so after he was out of earshot, that would be enough compensation for me.

Also, I'd be much more annoyed about this homonym error if there wasn't such an adorable little picture of Matt included on the e-mail blast. Way to go, homonymically-challenged e-mail blast writer, distracting me with cuteness...

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for August 2, 2009

Apparently there are a lot of synonyms/nicknames for the word "penis." (The ones on that list that made me laugh the hardest: Custard Launcher. Eggroll. Groin ferret. Where the hell do people come up this this shit?)

But LadyStyx found us another name for "penis" that isn't even on that very extensive list linked above...


Malepart.

Not even male part, which would be slightly (but only slightly) less silly.

Just malepart.

Yikes.

Also, what's up with the "Now you can too please her like never before..." line? That's awkward as hell. Not as awkward as malepart, but close!

Thanks, LadyStyx, for finding this funny, Hump Day-themed spam!

There's some fishy stuff going on in this NYT article...

Sometimes even the best publications manage to publish screwy grammar, and PETER found one such example of this. He says: As I've no doubt mentioned before, I think extra points should be awarded for spotting errors in places we don't often find them. What an unseemly place for a noun and verb to have a public disagreement: a New York Times editorial on Friday, Aug 28.

I'm also curious about one other issue in this article. I always thought "sea life" was two words. The dictionary doesn't list sea-life or sealife as valid words, and if you Google sea-life, it brings up pages and pages of stuff about sea life (unhyphenated). Yet the NYT threw a hyphen in that term. Now, from the placement of the word, I can't tell if they meant to write sealife, but the line break made them need to use a hyphen, or if they intended to actually write it as sea-life, but either way, it's...well, at the very least, an uncommon way of writing it, if not an outright wrong way. What do you think?

Thanks, PETER, for sending in this article!