Can the Jabberwocky please, like, come eat the fools that make these sorts of typos?

Despite the fact that the above pictures are mildly terrifying, I'm really looking forward to seeing Alice in Wonderland, Tim Burton-style. I freakin' love Alice in Wonderland, love Lewis Carroll (with whom I share a birthday...how cool is that?), love Johnny Depp (OK, who doesn't?), and think Tim Burton's a genius.

But who isn't a genius? The person who proofread this article. There is no "Mad Hater" character in Alice in Wonderland. Mad Hatter, yes. Mad Hater, no. Off with your head, awful proofreader!

Thanks to LadyStyx for spotting this amusing typo!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for June 29, 2009

Oh, man. This has gotta be one of the worst cases of misspelling I've ever seen. "Acedemics"? There ain't no "ace" in academics...ugh!

And then..."Atheletics"! Yikes. There were some faculty members at my high school who always used to refer to the kids who played sports as "ath-uh-letes" and it freakin' KILLED me every time I had to hear it. I wanted to scream, "No, you goobers, they are athletes. ATHLETES. It only has TWO FUCKING SYLLABLES!!!" (But I didn't say that. Even though I wanted to. Like, really badly. Sigh.)

Gotta love the random capitalization everywhere, too. I'm kind of astounded that this sign appears to be hung somewhere on school property. Nice edumacation those kids are gettin' there, hmmm?

Thanks to PAT from FanIQ for spotting this picture (originally posted over at Deadspin)!

Speaking of misspellings...how many native English speakers does it take to spell "conference" correctly? (Hat tip to JUSTIN and MARY-ELLEN for finding this one!)

E-mail FAIL!

Unless you're new here, I'm sure you've figured out that the Phillies are my favorite baseball team.

However, most people don't know that the Twins are actually my second favorite team.

Naturally, I was thrilled to get an e-mail from Phillies.com in my inbox. And, naturally, I was thrilled to see that they were running a contest that would award the grand prize winner...Twins season tickets. 'Cause I really do love me some Twins, especially when their last names are Mauer and Morneau.

But then I was perplexed. Because really, what the hell sense does it make for Phillies.com to run a Phillies contest where the prize is Twins tickets?

Answer: No freakin' sense at all. (Most Phillies fans don't care about the Twins. The Phillies and Twins hardly ever play each other...plus, Philly is nowhere near Minnesota.)

So my theory is this--the webmaster or graphic designer screwed up. Perhaps he forgot to replace the "Twins" text with "Phillies" text to match the Phillies logo at the top of the mailer and the Phillies tickets in te left-hand corner. And if that's the case? Then this e-mail is a FAIL-mail.

Or maybe Phillies.com is suggesting all of us Phillies fans go watch the Twins instead since they're winning more games lately than the Phillies are... ;)

Who the hell turned my freak magnet back on again?

So yesterday, I was in kind of a cranky mood. I didn't want to be back in NY. Didn't want to go to work. Didn't want to have to work at a movie screening after work. Plus, I was tired from my long drive from Philly to NY.

Clearly, I was not in the mood for an encounter with a weirdo.

So, of course, that's exactly what happened. An encounter with a weirdo. Which I am no stranger to...but this never fails to irk me anyway.

So there I am, at the movie screening, working at the table, handing out tickets to folks who have won them. And I'm having some jaw pain, so I decide that the best thing to do for my jaw was to get an Icee. I figured that would be nice and soothing.

Yeah, not so much.

So I go up to the counter and order a small cherry Icee. The kid behind the counter gets it for me, but it's, like, spewing Icee-ness all over the place. On top of the cup, down the cup, underneath the cup, all over the counter. Basically, all over the fucking place. So I give the kid a look and as I'm reaching for napkins to wipe the mess up with, I'm like, "so, can you please help me with this?", and so he does, and it takes forever, and I'm all sticky and stuff. I finally get a decent amount of the mess cleaned up and take the Icee back to my table, at which point I discover I've got red on me.

I wasn't wearing anything red when I got to the movie theatre.

This was freakin' Icee. On my shirt. My expensive, light-colored silk shirt. That I have only worn ONCE.

It would be an understatement to say that I was livid.

But I was a good girl. I was calm about it. Made a few jokes about it with the guy I was working with. And, for the moment, all is OK.

So then this guy comes up to our table and is asking me stuff about our program, and I'm answering his questions. But the guy is lingering. And I'm starting to get antsy. I'm not looking to be hit on and/or flirted with, thankyouverymuch. I just wanna do my job, get it over with, and go home to watch some BILFs on TV, you know?

So the guy nods toward my Icee and says, "So, do you like that drink?" Which struck me as bizarre, you know, because that has got to be one of the worst pickup lines ever.

So I shrugged and said, "Yeah, but I'd probably like it better had the guy behind the counter* not gotten it all over me."

And he says, "I am that guy from behind the counter."

* This is where I was mentally thanking myself for not saying "that inept guy behind the counter," which I'd been quite tempted to do.

So I look up. And yeah, the kid does look familiar. Except he's no longer wearing the goofy movie theatre hat or shirt. He's trying to look like a normal patron who has normal questions about our program. Except since he works there, and was trying to pretend he didn't work there, and came back over to talk to me about the drink that he got the fuck all over me, the situation was kind of not normal, you see?

I instantly felt bad for being unintentionally bitchy, despite the fact that this guy totally had brought it on himself, so I was like, "Yeah, I'm having kind of an annoying day"--gesturing to the red on my shirt--"and I'm not usually so cranky, but this was just one MORE thing..."

The kid's standing there, kinda horrified, staring at the red.

Thankfully, an actual customer--not a movie employee acting like a customer--came over to get her tickets, and so she kinda made the kid take a few steps back. He retreated toward the information desk, about 15-20 feet away, proceeded to make a few phone calls, and stare at me.

I have pretty good instincts. I could tell the guy was probably waiting to talk to me again. He really wasn't doing anything else, and he wouldn't quit looking. So despite the fact that he seemed like a harmless--albeit annoying--weirdo, I had my co-worker escort me to my car in case my freak magnet was even more potent outside the theatre.

I wonder if the kid--who looked several years younger than me--knew he was trying to flirt with a 28-year-old. (This is one of the reasons I hate looking a lot younger than I am. Creepy old men love me, and younger guys think I'm their own age. Ugh.)

I also wonder if the "How do you like that drink?" line is in the Bad Pickup Lines Generator application. If not, perhaps it should be added (and that's added with two of the letter t in the middle of the word, not three, dammit)...

BILFtasticness!

I'm finally getting around to posting some pictures of my very BILFtastic experience earlier this week. Technically it's called the Phillies Phestival, and it's a benefit to raise money to help fight ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). But in my world, it's BILF Fest. And you will soon see proof that there were indeed plenty of BILFs in attendance!

First, here's a picture of me with the 1980 World Series trophy and the 2008 World Series trophy. I don't remember the 1980 World Series because my mom was pregnant with me at that time, but I remember the 2008 World Series quite well...

This is a picture of me meeting reliever (and temporary closer) Ryan Madson. I also met Jack Taschner, another reliever (shown here in the background).

Shane Victorino, otherwise known as the Flyin' Hawaiian, is a cool dude. Here are a few photos of me meeting Shane...

I've always liked the Phillies' closer Brad Lidge, but didn't realize how hot he is until I saw him in person. Last year he had a perfect season...so now I suppose I can say I have met Mr. Perfect! :) (He was not only really attractive, but was also one of the nicest ballplayers I've ever met!)

Although I didn't get a chance to meet him again this time around (you only have 2 hours to meet ballplayers, so you certainly can't meet everyone!), I couldn't help but stop by the booth where my favorite ballplayer, Cole Hamels, otherwise known as BILFy McBILF, was signing...

Seriously, he is the most attractive ballplayer I have ever seen. Even when the wind is making his hair misbehave, he still looks like a freakin' model.

And since I'm such a good little Grammarphile, in between checking out BILFs, I was looking for screwy signs to post on this blog. And lo and behold, I found one...

His last name is Victorino, not Victorinzero. Sigh.

Even though it's been about 2 days since I met all these guys, I'm still totally on a BILF high...as you might expect! ;)

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for June 24, 2009

You just know it's gonna be kind of a crazy Hump Day post when I have to ask myself if the picture I'm using would be better for Hump Day Grammar or if I should wait to post it on...Foodie Friday, haha!

Hot off the heels of last week's Anal Cruise, today we've got ourselves...



...some anus beef. (I hope none of you are eating anything while reading this post!)

The lovely Mrs. HLP (the "HLP" is for Horrible License Plates, the super-awesome blog that she and her husband write) sent in this picture. She says that she "captured [this picture] a few years ago in my home town. I think they were going for ANGUS, but a disgruntled Hardee's employee felt it should read otherwise..."

(And specifically, I hope none of you were eating burgers while reading this post.*)

Thanks to Mrs. HLP for this entertaining picture. If you haven't stopped by Horrible License Plates yet, whatcha waiting for? It's one of the most fun blogs I've had the pleasure of reading...if you're in the mood to giggle, you should go there now!

Happy Hump Day, everyone!


* The Grammarphile cannot be held responsible for any actions--such as spitting out or choking on, among others--that may occur with or to any beef products that you may have been chewing or attempting to swallow at the time you happened to read this post. All Red Pen, Inc. readers read at their own risk. Especially on Hump Day. And especially on Hump Day, while eating.

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for June 23, 2009

Oh, Kaboodle/Urban Outfitters. I do like your discount codes, but I do not like your grammar. This is a very silly mistake. And do you know what happens when I see silly mistakes like this? I actually get depressed. Which makes me want to shop, because shopping is totally the cure for depression. Which means I'll use your damn discount code even though I don't need, or have room for, any more clothing or cute stuff for my apartment. You and your crappy grammar are driving me to engage in this reckless shopaholic behavior, Urban Outfitters/Kaboodle. It's all your fault!

Seriously!

On a serious note, I'd like to point out that this silly writer misspelled Sirius. "Sirus" is not the right way to spell Sirius. Sigh.

And on a totally fun note? This is the 1,000th post on Red Pen, Inc. Yes, seriously! I can hardly believe it myself. This site's only about 2.5 years old, so that's a lot of posts created in a relatively little bit of time. (No wonder I'm exhausted all the time, haha!)

I want to take a moment to thank you for reading this crazy blog. If it weren't for your hilarious comments, funny picture submissions, readership, and--in many cases--friendship, I'd have gotten bored with writing this blog long ago. So thanks for talkin' to me in the comments, for reading this blog, for keeping me going with this thing, and for just being awesome in general. If you're reading this right now, you freakin' rock!

And now I'm off to go start prettying myself up. I'll be meeting baseball players tonight, and I've gotta look good for the pictures! (I'll post pictures--as long as I look cute!--and notes on the Phillies event later on in the week, once I've recovered from all the baseball-related giddiness.)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY FROM RED PEN, INC.

I was pleased to see that the body of Express's e-mail blast was error-free, but dismayed to notice an apostrophe error in their subject header. "Dad's Rock"? Is everyone buying their father diamonds or boulders for Father's Day this year?

Happy Father's Day to all the dads who read this blog! And, of course, a very special "Happy Father's Day!" to my own dad, PAPA GRAMMARPHILE, who will be attending a Phillies game today. Cole Hamels will be pitching...therefore, I will be squealing/shrieking/screaming...and I probably should have thought ahead and bought my dad some earplugs for Father's Day. He's gonna need 'em!

FOODIE FRIDAY for June 19, 2009

I couldn't be happier that it's Friday. Not only will I be thrilled to leave this hellish work week behind, but I'm really excited that the weekend is just about here. Later today, I'll be headed home to Philadelphia to see my family and some friends, see BILFy McBILF (aka The Hotness, better known as Cole Freakin' Hamels) pitch for the Phillies on Sunday, then meeting some Phillies baseball players on Monday (squeeeeeal!).

But before I head back to my hometown, I've got a Foodie Friday post to do. PETER took the above picture, and he noted in his e-mail to me that this "is just a goofy error, but it struck me as particularly strange because right next to the pappers are other kinds of peppers, all labeled as peppers."

Of course, once I saw the picture and saw that it came from Peter, I knew I had to make up some silly tongue-twister like "Peckish Peter picked a peck of piquant pappers at the produce place." Say that five times fast, why don'tcha?

Thanks, PETER, for spotting this funny error. Happy Friday, everyone!

Look who they've got their Hanes on now...

Why, it's "Haney" Ramirez, of course!

Whose name is supposed to be spelled like this: H-A-N-L-E-Y. Yes. His name is Hanley. Not *snicker* Haney.

And ironically, this spelling error happened in an article that was about somebody else's (baseball) error. Ha!

This could explain a lot...

My curiosity was piqued when I read VICKI D's e-mail, which described the picture you're about to see in the following way: Not exactly bad grammar...but definitely poor proofreading! I guess this item would be ideal if your kid drinks paint...

So, intrigued by this rather mysterious and interesting description, I clicked on the link she sent me, and it brought me to a web page with this on it...



That, my dear friends, is not a bottle.

That looks like...a paint roller.

At my day job, I'm a webmaster. And luckily, I have made it a habit to check back over the pages I've created, making sure that I've associated the proper picture with the proper text. I can't say the same for the person who created the page that VICKI D. found...

I have a theory, though. And I think it's a pretty sound one. I'm guessing that a lot of the adults who frequently use bad grammar were once children who drank paint from contraptions like this. That would explain a lot, wouldn't it?

Thanks to VICKI D. for sending in this amusing mistake!

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for June 17, 2009

The lovely LadyStyx strikes again! I've determined that she's on a mission to get me to snort Vitamin Water out my nose at some point while I'm opening a funny e-mail from her. (She's almost--almost!--succeeded in making this happen.)

Doesn't this sign, which LadyStyx found on FAILblog, just put you in the spirit of taking a fun, wholesome family vacation? (Yeah. Didn't think so.)

Thanks to LadyStyx for another LOL-worthy Hump Day Grammar submission. Happy Hump Day, everyone!

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for June 16, 2009

DAVE was kind enough to find us a homonym error--it's highlighted in black toward the bottom of the picture. But, in my opinion, even funnier than this homonym error is the fact that this writer chose to specify that the earphones are for the ear ("premium quality ear earphones"). Really? Holy shit! I had no idea that's where you'd put those things. How nice of you to tell me!

(In case any of you think I'm being a wee bit picky about this, I'll have you know that the phrase "ear earphones" showed up in another part of the web page that DAVE sent me--there was just too much space in between the instances to properly print-screen them both at the same time. So the writer wasn't just redundant once--he was redundant twice!)

Thanks, DAVE, for spotting this one!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for June 15, 2009

Once again, an example of why a computerized spell-checker just doesn't cut it... YVIE found this article about Tila Tequila, and here's what she had to say about it: She was doing what to him now? I've decided the reason these stories have so many errors is because the person writing them is going "THIS IS BIG NEWS, NO TIME TO DOUBLE CHECK, MUST INFORM THE MASSES!". Or they're lazy. I give them each a .5 out of 10.

For the record, "rating" should have been "dating" here. Ugh. So sloppy!

Thanks, YVIE, for finding this one!

Also: a special shout-out to PAPA GRAMMARPHILE...it's his birthday today! Happy Birthday, Dad! :)

Usually...

...I just complain about the crappy grammar I find on websites.

Tonight, though, I'm actually gonna complain about somebody's crappy math skills.

The Phillies are currently up by 4 games...not by just 2. But you'd only know that by actually checking the standings at the bottom of the web page. If you were going by the info on the little scrolling blurb at the top of the web page, you'd think that the Phillies have only half of the lead that they actually have.

I was an English major, and I generally suck at anything math/numbers-related, but even I know that two is not equal to, or the same as, four. Sigh.

Go on...shoo!

Usually, seeing spelling errors makes me angry. This time, though, a spelling error made me giggle.

Apparently some seagulls were flying around the ballpark last night when the Royals and Indians were playing. (I wasn't watching this game, of course, because I was watching the Phillies beat the Mets...yeah, I just had to throw that in there!) Shin-Soo Choo hit a ball that struck one of the gulls, which made the ball very difficult for the outfielder to play.

The article mentions that the gulls had been hanging out around the field for the entirety of the series. Perhaps that's why the writer mistakenly called the guy who hit the ball Shin-Soo Shoo. By hitting the ball right toward him, making the gulls fly away, he did indeed shoo them, and they finally flew away!

While I'm sure the writer's mistake was entirely unintentional, it's kinda funny and charming given the situation, right?

FOODIE FRIDAY for June 12, 2009

Although the misspelling that KIM found is a pretty atrocious one (c'mon, how the hell hard is it to spell funnel correctly?), and atrocious spelling errors tend to make me very, very cranky, I've gotta say I'm pretty thrilled that it looks like some grammar vigilante actually tried to correct the mistake. (And it wasn't me, I swear--I've never seen this sign in person!)

It's Friday...and if you've had a crazy/busy week like I've had, then you deserve a sweet treat. (For the record, I'm having a 100-calorie pack of Oreo Cakesters.) But please...eat a sweet treat whose name is spelled correctly, OK? :)

You want me to do *what* now?

Perhaps I'm just in a rather snarky and overly picky mood--it could have something to do with the sleep deprivation that stems from being all riled up from watching the 11-innings-long Phillies/Mets game and then not being able to actually sleep after it was over--but what is with the phrase "Assure yourself of the hottest games of the year..."?

I'm not gonna go as far as to say it's wrong, exactly, but I do think it's awkward as hell. First of all, I think starting off the sentence with "Assure yourself of..." just sounds weird. Perhaps if they'd said "Assure yourself of obtaining tickets to...", I'd be more OK with it, but still. I just hate the way it sounds. Clarity's a big part of good writing, and this phrase is rather...murky. I just keep looking at it and thinking, "Assure yourself of what? Doesn't there need to be something else added to that sentence to make it sound like it makes sense?" Or am I mistaken and this is actually some sort of commonly-used phrasing that I just haven't heard before?

Since I'm sort of on the topic of baseball and Phillies, I'd like to wish a happy birthday to Red Pen, Inc. reader LIEBCHEN. Like me, she's a Phillies fan who no longer lives in Philly--and is, in fact, also living in an area whose baseball team is inferior to our beloved World Phucking Champions. I'm hoping the Phillies can win tonight's game against the Mets--that would make me quite happy, and it would also be a great birthday gift for LIEBCHEN, wouldn't it?

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for June 10, 2009

Okay, you guys are gonna get a LOT of Hump Day action today here at Red Pen, Inc. I'm sure you like the sound of that, right?

First up--a picture from LadyStyx. She found it on FAILblog. Behold:

Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my... *giggle*

This one was sent to me this morning via e-mail. And not by any of you awesomely snarky readers, either. Unbelievably enough, this was sent to me in seriousness--not in jest.


This picture raises lots of interesting issues. First: I'm a female, I can't have a boner, so why the hell was this sent to me? (Silly spammers. I guess they don't know or care that Ms. Grammarphile here is a GIRL.) Second: If I were a guy, and therefore capable of having a boner, I'm pretty sure that breaking walls with it would not be particularly high on my List of Things I'd Like to Do If I Had a Boner. Finally: "Dimplephrase"? Really? That's the website at which you're selling some sort of crazy boner-related product? WTF?

And here's a link not to a spelling or grammar error, but to...rather questionable wording. Like very questionable. Was this written by Pedophiles 'R Us or something? Yikes. (Hat tip to the fine folks at Gawker for being the first ones I've seen to point out this crazy phrasing.)

Happy Hump Day, you crazy kids! :)

Sloppy work!

So yesterday I was viewing a website--I won't tell you which website, but I will tell you that I prefer to refer to it as Copyeditors Needed Now. ;) And I noticed some very sloppy writing--too sloppy, in my opinion, to be on a website that's so popular.

I can't give 'em too much shit about the typo, seeing as how transposing letters in words is my most frequent mistake (I always have to look over my e-mails and blog posts to make sure there's no "ebcause" or "goign" in there). But "Birds that downed plane was migratory species"? Could that possibly sound any more awkward? Eek. If we're talking about multiple birds, we should say that they were, not that they was, a migratory species, right? (Now, I think if they said "Flock that downed plane was migratory species," that'd have been OK. Because "flock" and "was" agree. "Birds" and "was" do NOT agree. Grrr.)

Sigh. Copyeditors Needed Now, freakin' hire me, why don'tcha? You obviously need a Grammarphile around the premises...

Obviously someone didn't fare too well on spelling tests...

So JENNA wrote to me a couple weeks ago. She said: So, I'm watching Jon Stewart last night and he was talking about the mindless overkill of the press coverage of the first hundred days of Obama's presidency, and makes fun of the spelling error on one of the pop-ups.

Not only was she kind enough to send along a picture of the error in question (obviously, it should be fared), but she also sent along a link to the video clip of Stewart mocking the misspelling. Click here to check it out!

Thanks, JENNA, for finding this funny mistake!

MISSPELLING MONDAY for June 8, 2009

Oh, man. Despite the fact that I am very, very tired and bleary-eyed right now (I was at the Nine Inch Nails/Jane's Addiction show last night--which, by the way, was fantastic, and Trent Reznor and Dave Navarro are two of the coolest people ever), even I can tell that this word is spelled completely screwily.

WINONA, who sent in this picture, says: I didn't know anyone made toy shoulders... I mean, sholdier... Doesn't "sholdier" sound like a boutique name for a doctor specializing in shoulder joints (and possibly other ball-and-socket joints as well)?

I keep saying "sholdier" out loud and it sounds really funny. At least giggling at how this word sounds (and looks) in its misspelled fashion is keeping me awake this morning. Staying awake by giggling is at least slightly more attractive than staying awake with toothpicks holding my eyelids open, y'know?

Thanks to WINONA for spotting this one!

FOODIE FRIDAY for June 5, 2009

I know this is supposed to be a Foodie Friday post, but screw the food today. I'm all about Drinky Friday. Tonight I'm probably gonna have a couple drinks while I work on my writing, 'cause somehow alcohol tends to make novel-writing easier, especially when the novel's a little on the twisted side. (My beverage of choice will probably be one or two of the Smirnoff Ices--grape-flavored, I think--in the fridge. I prefer to write while drinking red wine, but I write by myself, and I'm completely effin' lousy at using a corkscrew. Sigh.)

Anyway, after reading through this article that JUSTIN sent me, I really do need a drink. An apostrophe catastrophe, a homonym error, and a misspelling all within the same brief article? Yikes! Was the person who wrote the article drunk, or do I just need to be drunk to survive having to read all these mistakes at once?

Thanks, JUSTIN, for finding this one. Happy Foodie--or Drinky--Friday, everyone! :)

Unfashionable grammar!

I like killer fashion. I also like excellent grammar. Unfortunately, those two things don't go together nearly as often as I'd like them to. For example...

The lovely LadyStyx found this one. These are very pretty coats, but wouldn't they be better if they didn't have any apostrophe catastrophes hanging around them?



I'm not too sure Jennifer Garner would appreciate her top giving her belly away. (I really, really, really like the top, though. Jennifer, you can keep your belly, but can I please have your top?)



This is a top I actually own. I find it kind of amusing that they tried to describe this top as being "curve-flattering," but then they displayed it on a model who is stick-thin and has no curves whatsoever. And they even screwed up the spelling of "flattering"! Sigh.



Remember: no matter what the season, good grammar is always in fashion!

Is this crazy misspelling just a stunt to attract attention, too...?

If you haven't seen the hilarious bit that happened at the MTV Awards over the weekend, you might wanna click here to check it out (warning: may not be safe for work for some of you!). Of course, almost as entertaining as this Bruno/Eminem video is the way this writer misspelled "whether."

MELODY, who found this error, asks, "If you combine the two spellings [weather/whether], doesn't that guarantee that it will be misspelled?" Yeah, pretty much!

Thanks, MELODY, for finding this one!

HUMP DAY GRAMMAR for June 3, 2009

So last week I attempted to do a "clean" Hump Day Grammar post. This week, though, it's time to get dirty...



I can't stop laughing at "opratunity." For some reason, that really cracks me up. I'm also a little perplexed as to why the person who wrote this question felt the need to specify that the sex would be "dirty." Um, if you're having sex with Johnny Depp*, isn't that good enough? No need to add any adjectives to that, right?

Happy Hump Day, everyone! :)


* Hopefully Johnny Depp only sleeps with people who aren't complete freakin' morons when it comes to spelling. Here's hoping Vanessa Paradis can spell better than the person who wrote this question...

Time after time...

My friend PETER sent me the above picture. And since he explains this picture so eloquently, I'm gonna share his commentary with you. PETER says:

The software business can be awfully strange. How I found this program is a boring story; the comical dialog box is as far as I peeked into it.

The program converts Powerpoint files into PDF documents. Never mind that Powerpoint itself lets you save its files as PDF documents. Never mind that if you don't have Powerpoint, or you don't like the terrible job it does with the conversion, you can use OpenOffice to do it better, and for free.

What you don't get with either Powerpoint or OpenOffice is this entertaining dialog, which you can enjoy even before paying $49.95 for a program cleverly named, "Convert PPT to PDF for Powerpoint!" It promises that your PDF document will be professional-quality and popular, two points not mentioned by Microsoft or Sun.

The trial version converts only the first page of the document, which doesn't tell you much about the quality of a slideshow conversion. But it's good for a period of 30 times. How long is a time? I guess that's up to the evaluator.

Somehow I suspect the person who created the text for this dialog box speaks better Engrish than English. That person gave it a good shot, although some things must still be lost in translation for whoever wrote this. I do like how this program's dialog box promises that your PDFs will be popular, though. Now that's exciting!

Thanks, PETER, for spotting this one!

TO/TOO/TWO TUESDAY for June 2, 2009

If I could have pets in my apartment, I'd totally take that sweet-looking kitty in the upper right corner of the poster, or the two mischievous-looking kittens in the second row. One thing I know for certain I wouldn't take, though: Spelling and/or grammar lessons from the well-intentioned goober who made this poster.

YVIE, who found this flyer, says, "Manors? That's a spoiled dog if it has a manor, let alone manors." I agree. I'm also curious as to what this mysterious "sterlization" is. I know what sterilization is, but "sterlization"? That's a new one to me...

Thanks, YVIE, for finding this funny flyer! (In all seriousness, though, I hope each of those animals gets adopted quickly. See? Your favorite snarky grammar bitch does have a heart!)

Harry Potter and the Typo of Doom

The Harry Pottery books? Is this where he puts the "avada kedavra" curse on all of Malfoy's ceramics and then they crumble to bits? Or where we find out Harry's patronus is a massive kiln? Hmmm, this doesn't sound like a bestseller to me...

MISSPELLING MONDAY for June 1, 2009

I like to read the Dear Abby column when I have a moment of free time. I don't always agree with what she has to say, but I always find what she has to say pretty interesting.

However, I think she needs somebody with sharp eyes to look over her work sometimes. Even Abby's not perfect! Spell-check's not gonna know you said "think" when you meant to say "thing"... (Then again, the alcoholic father in question does need to have another "think" coming, I suppose...he needs to think again before he can hold his daughter's kid!)

Thanks to KIM for spotting this amusing mistake! (On a related note, I wonder what Abby would think of this blog. Actually, I'm not sure I really want to know...)