Thursday, June 25, 2009

Who the hell turned my freak magnet back on again?

So yesterday, I was in kind of a cranky mood. I didn't want to be back in NY. Didn't want to go to work. Didn't want to have to work at a movie screening after work. Plus, I was tired from my long drive from Philly to NY.

Clearly, I was not in the mood for an encounter with a weirdo.

So, of course, that's exactly what happened. An encounter with a weirdo. Which I am no stranger to...but this never fails to irk me anyway.

So there I am, at the movie screening, working at the table, handing out tickets to folks who have won them. And I'm having some jaw pain, so I decide that the best thing to do for my jaw was to get an Icee. I figured that would be nice and soothing.

Yeah, not so much.

So I go up to the counter and order a small cherry Icee. The kid behind the counter gets it for me, but it's, like, spewing Icee-ness all over the place. On top of the cup, down the cup, underneath the cup, all over the counter. Basically, all over the fucking place. So I give the kid a look and as I'm reaching for napkins to wipe the mess up with, I'm like, "so, can you please help me with this?", and so he does, and it takes forever, and I'm all sticky and stuff. I finally get a decent amount of the mess cleaned up and take the Icee back to my table, at which point I discover I've got red on me.

I wasn't wearing anything red when I got to the movie theatre.

This was freakin' Icee. On my shirt. My expensive, light-colored silk shirt. That I have only worn ONCE.

It would be an understatement to say that I was livid.

But I was a good girl. I was calm about it. Made a few jokes about it with the guy I was working with. And, for the moment, all is OK.

So then this guy comes up to our table and is asking me stuff about our program, and I'm answering his questions. But the guy is lingering. And I'm starting to get antsy. I'm not looking to be hit on and/or flirted with, thankyouverymuch. I just wanna do my job, get it over with, and go home to watch some BILFs on TV, you know?

So the guy nods toward my Icee and says, "So, do you like that drink?" Which struck me as bizarre, you know, because that has got to be one of the worst pickup lines ever.

So I shrugged and said, "Yeah, but I'd probably like it better had the guy behind the counter* not gotten it all over me."

And he says, "I am that guy from behind the counter."

* This is where I was mentally thanking myself for not saying "that inept guy behind the counter," which I'd been quite tempted to do.

So I look up. And yeah, the kid does look familiar. Except he's no longer wearing the goofy movie theatre hat or shirt. He's trying to look like a normal patron who has normal questions about our program. Except since he works there, and was trying to pretend he didn't work there, and came back over to talk to me about the drink that he got the fuck all over me, the situation was kind of not normal, you see?

I instantly felt bad for being unintentionally bitchy, despite the fact that this guy totally had brought it on himself, so I was like, "Yeah, I'm having kind of an annoying day"--gesturing to the red on my shirt--"and I'm not usually so cranky, but this was just one MORE thing..."

The kid's standing there, kinda horrified, staring at the red.

Thankfully, an actual customer--not a movie employee acting like a customer--came over to get her tickets, and so she kinda made the kid take a few steps back. He retreated toward the information desk, about 15-20 feet away, proceeded to make a few phone calls, and stare at me.

I have pretty good instincts. I could tell the guy was probably waiting to talk to me again. He really wasn't doing anything else, and he wouldn't quit looking. So despite the fact that he seemed like a harmless--albeit annoying--weirdo, I had my co-worker escort me to my car in case my freak magnet was even more potent outside the theatre.

I wonder if the kid--who looked several years younger than me--knew he was trying to flirt with a 28-year-old. (This is one of the reasons I hate looking a lot younger than I am. Creepy old men love me, and younger guys think I'm their own age. Ugh.)

I also wonder if the "How do you like that drink?" line is in the Bad Pickup Lines Generator application. If not, perhaps it should be added (and that's added with two of the letter t in the middle of the word, not three, dammit)...


12 comments:

Bridgete said...

I do not know anyone else with such a strong freak magnet. And that sucks about your shirt! =(

Magnolia said...

You really DO have a freak magnet! That is crazy-person behavior right there. Maybe he thought it would make a good meet-cute story to tell when you started dating. :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Bridgete: Yeah, my freak magnet is REALLY bad. Hopefully the stain will come out of the shirt. I will be taking it to the dry cleaners to see what they can do...

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Magnolia: I often attract the crazy ones, haha!

And if that's what that guy thought, then I have two words for him: KEEP DREAMIN'! :)

LadyStyx said...

Thank God I ain't the only one.

Becky said...

Hahaha, I love that you didn't recognize the kid. Hilarious. Sounds like he was all kinds of socially awkward.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ LadyStyx: At least I'm in good company with my freak magnetism!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Becky: He was socially awkward, but trying to be all suave and stuff. Despite the fact that I am totally crappy at recognizing people (especially since I had my glasses ON when I ordered the Icee, and they were OFF when the kid came up to the table to talk to me), I probably would have recognized him had he kept his movie theatre shirt/hat on. But since he changed out of it, he definitely fooled me!

yello.cape.cod said...

Oh my. Oh goodness. You just reminded me of this story. Hahahaha.

I was working at Meijer (all-in-one department and grocery store, the chain that Super Wal-Mart and the like stole the idea from) and I'm working third shift, stocking lamps and frames. I mean I am doing this complete Lose-y McLoserson job and feeling like crud because I'm working thirds and I'm five months pregnant.

So these two guys have apparently scoped me out working, and the one shy guy has managed to develop some kind of heart-palpitating wanna-ask-her-out yen, and his visibly cooler and suaver friend is coaching him to come up and say hi. I figured out what was going on pretty quickly because these two random guys show up from nowhere (in my department I almost never ran into customers on thirds, they were all grocery shopping at 3am) and the one who speaks to me is like visibly flinching because he's afraid of saying hi to me. His friend does this "SO go ahead" gesture.

He says "Hi" and so I barely glance at him and say hi back. And then he asks some completely inane question about photo frames. I forget what it was but I think it was something about where the poster frames were or something. So I answered him verbally, without even glancing his way, and then did this deft pregnant-belly-rub followed by wedding-ring-twist move before reaching for another stack of frames.

Never saw either of those guys' faces again. I think probably suave guy next decided to mention the important rule in picking up chicks that involves not trying to pick up a chick that is obviously taken. LOL!

Carlos said...

That is quite a weak pickup line, even for a kid! So...did you like that drink? ;-)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ YCC: You handled that really well! Haha. Nice work! :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Carlos: Ha! Well, it was a tasty drink, but it really *would* have been better if part of it hadn't ended up on my shirt! :)