Thursday, April 30, 2009

That spider underneath my heel might be the next Plato or Aristotle. But I don't really give a damn.

I've been having a spider problem lately. Which is bad, because I'm not only totally arachnophobic, but I'm allergic to, like, everything. One time when I got bit by a spider on the head (because the evil creature dropped out of a freakin' TREE and landed on my forehead), my forehead swelled up and turned a lovely shade of gray.

So yeah, I like to avoid the little eight-legged evil things whenever I can. And lately they've been sneaking into my house. I am not amused, especially since the landlords swore up and down that the previous tenants never had a spider problem and that I should have nothing to worry about. (I've found 5 spiders, some VERY large, in the past 4 days. In my house. THAT'S A PROBLEM.) Ughhhh.

So of course I figured it would be a good idea to ask the Google Gods what to do about getting rid of the creepy little so-and-sos. And in so doing, I found out that spiders aren't necessarily trying to scare the crap out of me, make me come up with new and innovative ways to kill them (Death by Stiletto and Death by Expensive Perfume are my favorite methods so far), or provide me with a new and unwanted pet. They're wondering. Nope, they're not wandering...they're wondering. Like little philosophers, only of the eight-legged variety. How cute.

I'm not really a sucker for cuteness, though, unless it's dressed in a baseball uniform with the word "Phillies" or "Twins" across the front. So, deep-thinking spiders? I will still squash you if I see you. Wonder away while you've still got the chance!

14 comments:

Robin said...

I (sort of) feel your pain. As someone who grew up in the woods, I've never really been bothered by spiders or bugs. Until I moved into the city, that is. Over the last few years I've been confronted by silverfish (which freak me the hell out!) and more recently by giant. freaking. roaches. I'd never seen a cockroach in real life before. Objectively, they're just big black beetles, but lack of previous exposure and the societal perception of them makes them gross in my brain. Three cheers for the Terminex guy.

That said, I find the concept of cogitating arachnids pretty damn cute. Do they wear tiny little thinking caps?

April said...

Oh crap, you mentioned spiders. Now I'm going to have to shower *at least* three times to get rid of that feeling like I have bugs crawling all over me.

Yes, it seems we have something besides our obsession for Lost in common - well besides our love for stilettos - ok so scratch that. I HATE SPIDERS.

And the spider falling out of the tree and landing on your forehead? MY WORST FEAR. That seals it. I can't leave the house ever again.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Robin: I can deal with most bugs, but NOT spiders. (I'd be freaked out by the roaches, but not by much else!)

I hope the Terminex guy makes those roaches become quite dead. Good luck!

Their thinking caps had better be more like the kind of hard hats that construction guys wear...that's the ONLY way they might have a shot against a stiletto-wearing and/or stiletto-wielding arachnophobe. ;)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ April: LOL! Sorry for giving you that icky buggy feeling!

Yeah, that spider bite on my head was QUITE unpleasant. It still gives me the shivers, just thinking about it...

mama grammarphile said...

If it makes you feel better to know that you are not alone in facing down gigantic spiders, I confess that all this week I have stomped on at least one giant spider per day. Freaks me out. Grosses me out. But, I have to do it. I don't even own stilettos, and I don't spray them with expensive perfume, so they just get a good, old-fashioned stomping! I am sure your landlords weren't lying to you...perhaps they are just not as bothered by spiders as you are. And since you live below the landlords, perhaps the spiders like your place so much that they never *wonder* upstairs. And, I can assure you, the only thing that any of the spiders I have exterminated this week might have been *wondering* is, "Gee, is that a foot about to stomp on me?"

Bridgete said...

Ugh. I'm highly arachnophobic too. I haven't seen many in my house yet, thankfully.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Mama Grammarphile: Eek! I'm sorry you have had to deal with spiders, too. Can't you send the kitties after them? ;)

I stomped on one more tonight, BUT I was also very proactive and washed the whole kitchen floor, swept/dusted for cobwebs, and sprayed some anti-spider spray outside. :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Bridgete: I'm jealous of your spider-free house! :)

LadyStyx said...

And the first thing that pops in my mind? A big hairy tarantula with Einstein's signature mane. Nope, Styxie won't be sleeping tonight...not at all.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

LOL! Sorry, LadyStyx...I hope you don't have nightmares!

David said...

I've always felt that spiders have very curious minds but I never found their intelligence to be threatening personally.

The world may be a tough place for a pimp but it is a nightmare for the mensa spiders - they just don't get any respect.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

The mensa spiders! I nearly fell outta my chair giggling at that line. :)

I haveno problem respective the mensa spiders...if by "respect," you mean "squoosh." ;)

ChicagoLady said...

I wouldn't say I'm arachnophobic, but I really, really, really, really dislike them, regardless of their intelligence.

Fortunately, I haven't seen many yet this Spring, but I know I'll see more as we get into Summer. I always keep a big can of Raid handy.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

I, too, have bought a can of Raid. It also worked on the random HORNET I found in my house last week. Damn bugs!