Monday, March 30, 2009

"WTF Grammar": Extreme Edition


I don't even know where to begin with this picture that CRANE sent me. See, the whole article kind of really makes me want to cry because I have a special place in my heart for dolphins; after all, they're one of my sorority symbols, they're smart, and they're so damn cute with their smiley, happy mouths. So when I see that dolphins are the victim of some absolutely hellacious writing skills, I get sad.

There are a ton of agreement issues, nonsensical sentences, and misplaced modifiers here. Some of my personal favorites (ie, the parts I loathed the most):

The dolphins are facing a problem every day: "Staying awake to keep breathing while they sleep or die..."
While they sleep or die? I'm thinkin' they'll choose sleep...

To dolphins, breathing is a voluntary act, not reflection, as with men.
Uhhh...what?

“If you do not breathe, they die,” said Jon Kershaw, head of the aquarium Marineland in Antibes, on the French Riviera.
You guys, keep breathing. If you do not breathe, apparently dolphins die. And I'm pretty sure that if you stop breathing, causing dolphins to die, you'll have some bad karma coming your way...

Thus, some dolphins sleep eight hours a day, which stretches between several minutes and lasts two hours.
Paging Daniel Faraday...please explain this weird time-related issue (or go find Sawyer for me--he's my constant, and my nose is starting to bleed...).

According to a study by neurobiologists at the University of California (UCLA), youth who are caught dolphins living in captivity remain awake 24 hours a day the first few weeks of his confinement, while mothers are constantly monitored so it does not sleep.
And again...what? The fuck? Are you talking about? Sigh.

My head hurts now.

Thanks, CRANE, for finding this one!

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

That made my eyes twitchy.

-April

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Mine, too. It also made my *brain* twitchy...

Bridgete said...

I...what?

My head hurts...

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

I should've brought more Advil to work today. Gonna run out of it soon if I keep re-reading this post...

LadyStyx said...

Damn. I had to quit after reading that first error. Just seeing all those red lines frightens me.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

The *red lines* frighten you? C'mon, LadyStyx--the red lines are the least scary things there! The grammar above the red lines is much scarier than the lines themselves... ;)

Anonymous said...

Agreed--it is a painful article. I thought the Chinese food menu that said, "Will deliver within a 3 mile radio" was migraine-worthy, but this article takes the cake. It is a sad world in which we live.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

A sad world, indeed!

(I just took more Tylenol. Sigh. Damn you, bad grammar...)

Crane said...

My abs hurt from laughing too much. Hey kids, at least you're keeping the dolphins alive....

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

This post = Grammarphile-tested, Flipper-approved! :)

Carlos said...

Yeah...my brain exploded on that last one!!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Mine *still* hurts, even a day after posting this...

urbanflute said...

I never realized how much I loved the colour* red!
Seeing Red in Toronto,
urbanflute

* I'm Canadian, what-can-I-say?

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Glad you like the red...you'll find LOTS of it here! :)

Dave said...

HAHAHA that was amazing. I think my favorite part was the direct example of time traveling Dolphins..

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

I might see more of those time-traveling dolphins in tonight's episode of LOST...

Sarah said...

This may be why dolphins kill for fun -- things (articles?) like this just make them SO ANGRY.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Do dolphins really kill people? They always look so friendly! (Maybe reading poorly-written articles really sets 'em off and makes them homicidal...?)