Thursday, March 5, 2009

I BET THEIR COPY EDITORS DIED ON OCEANIC 815 for March 5, 2009

I BET THEIR COPY EDITORS DIED ON OCEANIC 815 is the newest weekly feature on Red Pen, Inc. It's a combination of recapping last night's episode of Lost and mocking some Lost-related bad writing. We can only assume that the publications whose writing is featured here must have had copy editors aboard Oceanic 815, and once the plane crashed and the copy editors died, the cheap-ass publications didn't hire anyone else to replace them...which results in the crappy writing/grammar/spelling found in this feature.



I know, I know. The word "Pakistan" is spelled correctly. And that's all well and good if we're talking about the whole country. But in this case, Hurley's mom wasn't referring to the whole country. She was referring to one specific Pakistani: Sayid. And there's a pretty big difference between one Pakistani and a whole freakin' country.

So anyway, last night on Lost...man, my head's still spinning. When are we again? This is all going to sound awfully disjointed and random (so I'm counting on you guys to carry on some intelligent commentary in the Comments section...since my brain is a pile of mush).

The episode started off well, with SHIRTLESS SAWYER being the first thing we see! Yay! But then after that, stuff starts getting jumbled up. It appears that the folks still on the island--Juliet, Jin, Faraday, Miles, and everybody's favorite smokin' hot redneck--have jumped back in time...and then...we see them three years later...in a different version of the past. Almost in some sort of weird future of the past, but not yet the present... I mean, seriously, WTF? I can barely wrap my pretty little head around it all.

See, when Locke turned the big ol' donkey wheel, it made the island stop moving around. As Faraday so eloquently put it between his incoherent mourning-Charlotte-related mutterings, it's like the record is spinning again, but they're playing the wrong song.

This was an interesting episode because we saw a different side to Sawyer. Sawyer was heroic. Sawyer was honest (except for that little last name change--LaFleur instead of Ford). Sawyer wanted to help his fellow castaways. Sawyer was not all out for himself like he so often is. We saw him address his feelings (in the scene near the end when he was talking with Horace). Sawyer even became a Dharma dude! And Sawyer was actually...mature. (How is it that we had to throw him back into the 1970s to make him wise up? Just another one of Lost's great mysteries...)

Notable happenings in this episode:

* We saw the full statue! Not just, like, the toe! The whole damn thing! Albeit briefly, but...still. The whole statue!

* Faraday, who was a mess throughout the entire episode, smiled only when he saw the young version of Charlotte running around the Dharma camp. Very touching scene.

* I think I actually drooled during the scene that Sawyer and Richard Alpert had together. Oh, the hotness.

* Why are Richard's people such freakin' assholes? Putting bags over the Dharma people's heads and trying to shoot 'em? Jerks.

* A Dharma Jeep? Good lord. Those people have everything!

* Juliet helped Amy (a Dharma person) give birth; this was the first time Juliet successfully helped a woman give birth on the island.

But then we saw...something I didn't like. At all. A very lovey-dovey Sawyer and Juliet.

I hate that. Because Sawyer belongs to Kate. They are so *obviously* meant for each other. They're two halves of the same whole. And quite honestly, I'm not certain anyone but Kate and Sawyer would ever permanently be able to deal with and/or understand the other one.

And so it infuriates me to see him with Juliet. But wait--he's obviously not over Kate yet (even though he seems to think he is when he's talking to Horace). The end of tonight's episode connected us up nicely with the end of last week's episode. Remember, last week Jin (in Dharma gear) sees Hurley, Jack, and Kate. At the end of this episode, we find out that Jin calls Sawyer...Sawyer slips out of bed where he was cuddling with Juliet, and he goes out to see what's going on...and Jin drives up in the Dharma van. Hurley, Jack, and Kate pop out. And then Kate and Sawyer (in his Dharma uniform!) stare at each other. And stare. And stare. And stare...

And that, maddeningly, is where the episode ended.

So present-day Kate/Jack/Hurley are now on the island, and the island and its current inhabitants are stuck in the 1970s. I can barely comprehend this! (I'm thisclose to having a nosebleed. Where, oh where, is my constant?!?)

I feel like my brain's about to explode. So now it's your turn. Favorite/least favorite moments? Biggest surprises? New theories? Just wanna scream out of confusion? Talk (or scream) it out in the Comments section...

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. I loved Sawyer and Juliet together. :)

The exchanges they showed between them just seemed so mature and without all the drama of love scenes from Lost gone by. I loved it. I hope Sawyer meant what he said about being over Kate. However, with it being television, we can already predict how this is going to go so I'm not holding out hope.

This episode was amazing. It was so much slower than the first episodes of this season but I thought that was a refreshing change. I'd like to see how our Losties came to be with the DI for 3 years instead of the 2 weeks they were given.

The statue scene was odd. I really had to stare at it to even figure out what it was. Too bad it didn't last very long.

I loved that moment when Faraday saw little Charlotte. Very sweet. And his line about how the record has stopped spinning on the wrong song was classic.

My favorite line of the night, however, goes to Sawyer for "your friend out there with the eyeliner"... holy crap that was hilarious.

I don't like 70s-Sawyer's hair.

I really hope they tell Alpert's story soon. That man is maddening. He's everywhere and he never ages. With all the time jumping stuff I think that's because he is from the future but I want to know more.

I think that's all. Except that I really hope Sun and Jin are reunited very soon. I have no idea how they will do that, being in different time periods and all but those two need each other and I need to see them being all happy and mushy.

-April

Andrew said...

As you stated, Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, Faraday, Miles and now Jack, Kate and Hurley are all in 1977 or whatever year it is in the 70s... The rest of the people on Ajira Airlines are on the second island presumably in 2007 (3 years after 2004 crash)... or are they?? Perhaps they too are in the 70s and haven't been found yet since they're on the other island!

And where are Rose and Bernard? And Vincent the dog who the writers have promised survives to the final episode?? Well, I think Rose and Bernard, since they haven't been mentioned in the "3 years later" scenes crawled up into a cave during the last flash and died of starvation. They are now the pair of skeletons that Jack found in a cave in season 1.

I also think the Ajira people are also in the 1970s. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to have Lapidus boat off with "some girl" who is presumably Sun. They apparently know they're on a sub-island and they've gone to find the other O6.

But where is the series going? At this point no one can tell. At first we wanted them to get rescued and leave the island. Then they left the island and they wanted to get back. Then they got back and now what? Thats the beauty of the show! Remember the season opener with Faraday snooping around the donkey wheel area? I predict this season he will realize that they need to move the island... again... and that will put everyone in present time. Who knows. This show is crazy. Just when I thought it was getting predictable, I didn't predict was going to happen!!!

Andrew said...

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/lostpedia/images/6/68/FourToedFull.jpg

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hi, April! :)

I'm hearing a lot of people liked Sawyer and Juliet together. If I had never seen Sawyer with Kate before, I don't think I'd be so vehemently opposed to Sawyiet (or is that Julier?). But I feel like Sawyer and Kate fit each other perfectly. And I totally wanted to smack Juliet when she had that gooey-eyed look on her face as she drained the pasta into the sink, haha.

I liked Faraday's line about the record a LOT. I felt bad for the poor guy, muttering incoherently through the whole episode. That line about the record was by far the smartest thing the poor dude said last night.

Yeah, I agree with you on Sawyer's hair!

I, too, have been wanting to see a Richard back-story for a while now. I hope they give us one! :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hey, Andrew!

Wouldn't it be sweet if Rose and Bernard turned out to be Adam and Eve in the caves? :)

I love how Lost keeps us on our toes! I agree with you about Faraday probably eventually figuring out that they'll need to move the island again. (But will he want to do it? After all, in the 1977 time period, he's got Charlotte there with him; will he want to leave her again?)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Great picture! Andrew, I have Tiny URL'ed it since the whole (big) URL didn't show up here...

http://tinyurl.com/arzbo8

AWESOME picture of what looks to be the back of the statue!

MarieC said...

My head is still spinning like Faraday's record on the wrong song after last night's episode. I thought this season was supposed to answer questions, not pose even more!

You don't need to post this as a comment, but I wanted you to know you've got a paragraph that got all mixed up (see below):

gear) sees Hurley, Jack, and Kate. At the end of this episode, we find out that And so it infuriates me to see him with Juliet. But wait--he's obviously not over Kate yet (even though he seems to think he is when he's talking to Horace). The end of tonight's episode connected us up nicely with the end of last week's episode. Remember, last week Jin (in DharmaJin calls Sawyer...Sawyer slips out of bed where he was cuddling with Juliet, and he goes out to see what's going on...and Jin drives up in the Dharma van. Hurley, Jack, and Kate pop out. And then Kate and Sawyer (in his Dharma uniform!) stare at each other. And stare. And stare. And stare...

Crane said...

I don't watch Lost, but I have a hard time believing that whatever shirtless scene they had was more awesome than that Tim Lincecum 2K9 ad.

Erika said...

I'm sorry...I'm still stuck wondering who would name their child Horace? For the love of Lost. I think the combined Sawyer/Richard hotness almost burned my retina's!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

My head is still spinning too, Marie. I think about Lost so much that I've even begun to see John Locke in my dreams!

(Thanks for the heads-up about the paragraph...I'm really curious as to what happened there, because it was fine last night when I pre-posted this. Blogger gremlins? Sigh.)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Crane: Haha! You know, I've never really taken a good look at Lincecum. I guess I've just been too busy drooling over Hamels to notice that other attractive pitchers exist. :) But hey, I like 'em tall, dark, and pinstriped, so I'll have to check him out...

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Erika: The more I see of Richard, the hotter I think he is, guyliner-esque eyes and all. Plus, he's very mysterious...I dig that, haha.

I think Horace is the kind of name you give your kid if you already hate him before he's even out of the womb yet. That's really the only explanation. ;)

Magnolia said...

I think the Ajira Airlines plane crash took place in 2007, and that the survivors are in the year 2007.

The O6 passengers (Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sayid and Sun) flashed from the plane to the Island in 1977 -- that's why some survivors reported seeing passengers "disappear" from the plane.

Ben, because he's not "special" like Locke or Jacob, is in 2007 with the rest of the "normal" 316 survivors.

Locke is in 2007 because he was dead at the time of the crash... I think?

Lapidus, I'm not sure about. I think he would be in 2007, but maybe he was the original pilot's proxy and therefore flashed to 1977? If Lapidus is in 1977, then I think it would stand to reason that Sun is the woman he is with. If he's in 2007, however, I'm very interested to know who he's with! Was someone else important on 316 that we didn't know about?

That's my theory at the moment!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Maggie, you're awesome; you somehow made all this crazy stuff make SENSE! :)

I, too, am curious as to where Lapidus is. I have to imagine the woman with him is Sun..but what if it's not?

Andrew said...

"Lapidus, I'm not sure about. I think he would be in 2007, but maybe he was the original pilot's proxy and therefore flashed to 1977?"

With no intention to make your head spin more than it is... Keep in mind that the current Ajira passengers saw "the pilot" leave in one of the boat with "some woman" indicating that whenever they are in time it is the same time as the other passengers. To think that Sun and Lapidus, both previous inhabitants of the island, not to mention Locke and Ben, got different treatment doesn't quite make sense to us at this point. Therefore, after much consideration, I am maintaining my stance that everyone on the island, O6 and Ajira alike, are in the 1970s. The flash seems to have simply transported the O6 back to different locations safely instead of allow them to crash...

Of course this could all be false because we all know the writers of LOST are on crack and can do whatever they want!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Good thoughts, Andrew!

I think my nose is about to start bleeding from all this time travel mumbo-jumbo. Can Sawyer be my constant? :)

Also--I can't believe we have to wait TWO WEEKS for another new episode of Lost! :(

ChicagoLady said...

LMAO at "there's a big difference between one Pakistani and a whole freakin' country".

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Sayid is the coolest Pakistani ever, haha. He's ridiculously smart. Despite my lust for Sawyer, if I was really stuck on that island, I'd stick with Sayid. :)

Ranielle said...

OK. I'm slow on the uptake here. Thursday completely got away from me, when I should have been here reading up on "LOST" thoughts.

Wednesday night's episode completely made my brain explode with the whole "three years later"/"three years earlier" jumpa-jumpa. Especially since it took me so long to figure out -- earlier or later -- they weren't in the PRESENT. Eesh.

Anyway, since I don't think anyone else has mentioned it (and if someone did and I missed it, please forgive), but does anyone else remember Horace as the guy who kept chopping down a tree in a crazy time loop that (I'm pretty sure it was) Locke bore witness to?

Horace chopping down trees = trees turn into logs = log cabin. Is Horace (or perhaps his son?) the mysterious Jacob?

I am on Team Skate. (Kawyer?) But who really expected Sawyer and Juliet NOT to get together, given that they spent 3 years living at the DI?

That's all for now!

MarieC said...

Isn't Sayid an Iraqi, not a Pakistani?

When they said "in two weeks..." I just about cried!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hey, Ranielle! :) ...I do remember the dude chopping down the tree, but I have no idea if that was Horace or not. You're probably right on that--I just can't remember... I was actually just re-watching a Season 3 episode the other night, though, which jogged my memory that Horace was the dude who was friends with Ben's dad and who brought the Linuses to the island.

Good theory about Horace and/or his kid having something to do with Jacob/his cabin! I want to learn more about all this Jacob business...especially after just having seen "The Man Behind the Curtain" again!

YAY for Team Skate! :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hi, Marie! I think you're absolutely right. In one of the early episodes this season, Hurley's mother *referred to* Sayid as a "dead Pakistani," but I'm pretty sure he's really from Iraq! Great catch! :)

Anonymous said...

In the second to the last paragraph: Since when did "thisclose" become one word? Red Pen, Inc. --just saying. By the way, I'm still watching Season Four. Pretty soon I'll be up to your speed.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Anonymous: It was done that way intentionally to illustrate exactly HOW close I was to having a nosebleed--I was SO close, in fact, that the words were pushed together that closely. (Not an original idea of mine--I've seen it done plenty of places before.) ;)

Also, thanks for the heads-up on the (gasp!) misspelling on the other post!