Monday, January 12, 2009

Screw you, snow!

Where I live, it snowed this weekend. I hate snow. HATE it. With a passion. For me, the only thing snow's ever been good for is an excuse to cancel school. But now that I'm not in school anymore and can't have snow days, I hate snow. I feel like I spend half my winter staring at a Very Popular Weather Website, trying to figure out if and when snow will hit my area. Snow fucks up my plans (since I'm absolutely terrified to drive in snow), makes me wear closed-toed shoes instead of open-toed stilettos, and makes me have to (eventually, after I cannot avoid it any longer) go shovel off the car and the driveway.

None of these things make me happy. In fact, they make me really, really cranky. Since I can't very well run around outside punching snowflakes (well, I could, but I'd look like a complete lunatic), I have to find some other way to get rid of my snow-fueled aggression. So why not take a red pen to the Very Popular Weather Website that always gives me the bad news about snow being in the forecast? (In this case, I think it's perfectly appropriate to shoot the messenger...or, at the very least, correct his crappy grammar.)


I'm sorry, snow will what eastward? (I'm assuming they meant to use the word track, but how does that even make sense? The Very Popular Weather Website is the entity tracking the snow. The snow itself is not tracking--right?)

That's great news for the flood victims, but what about those of us whose delicate grammar sensibilities are suffering after having to look at all the careless typos and grammar goof-ups on your website? (These are just two of many errors I've recently seen there.)

If you live in an area whose residents know snow only as that thing that always looks so pretty in the movies (but they've never actually seen it in their town in real life), won't you please consider adopting a sweet little Grammarphile? I don't take up much space, I don't eat much, and I'm well-behaved. Usually.

18 comments:

mama grammarphile said...

Yikes! Is the grammarphile a wee bit cranky today? I couldn't tell from your post or anything. *evil grin*
Love you.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Cranky? Me?

Nope--never. ;)

Love you too, Mom!

LadyStyx said...

I'd adopt you! Might be the only way to get that pretty white stuff to show up. Sorry, I really miss the stuff. I grew up in Syracuse, NY and havent seen an appreciable amount of snow since winter 2002-2003 when I was living in Pottstown, Pa. They keep promising it here, but we've had ~maybe~ an inch total all winter.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Awww--thanks, LadyStyx! :) By the way, I grew up in Collegeville...just a stone's throw away from Pottstown!

If you miss the snow so much, I am happy to send you some of mine! ;)

Dave said...

HAHA thats a good way to shovel the drive way...just punch every snow flake in the face before they have a chance to accumulate, and then the other ones will get intimidated and flurry their way elsewhere. Let me know how it works out :)

Bridgete said...

Well, I live in Boston, so unfortunately I can't help you. Sorry!! =(

ChicagoLady said...

I would gladly take all the snow I have right now, plus what's coming down tonight/tomorrow and send it to my good friend LadyStyx. Since she wants this shit so damn bad, she can have all of it. We'll bury her in it!

Can you tell I'm tired of the snow?

Brian said...

Here we go again.

My sick little, -medication needed,- take on things that seemed pretty simple a minute ago.

Actually, traching is indeed not a word. (Ooo, a positive-negative. Much like my life.)

However, "The storm is tracking..." is a correct terminology. It is most commonly used in flight related communication. (Primarily, military.) It's used in the context of the word: Mapping.

As in: We have bogies tracking west at three thousand feet. Interceptors have been scrambled.

Or as it is used in my house: "That bacon better be tracking tableward. You know I'm having bacon withdrawals.

"It's on it's way dear. Your eggs have been scrambled but experienced engine trouble over the dog's bowl and were forced to set down."

"victivms" is how it sounds when your drowning.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Dave: That's only my backup method of getting rid of the snow. Having a cute guy shovel while I stay in the house, hiding from the cold, is always the best and most effective method of getting rid of the snow!

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Thanks anyway, Bridgete! :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Ooh, ChicagoLady--you're even more bitter about the snow than I am! I didn't think that was possible! :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Brian: Mmm, BACON? Did somebody say BACON?!?

Koselara said...

I think two days of being one of your readers might be a little early to move in together. ;o) However, based on the reports in the news, housing prices here in Northern California have been in freefall for a while if you have any urge to relocate...

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Ha! Thanks for the tip, Koselara. I bet it's beautiful and sunny there, isn't it? :)

Carlos said...

So tell us how you really feel about snow ;-) I know what you mean. I spent six years in New Jersey and Massachusetts between 1985 and 1989, after a lifetime of living in Arizona and Southern California; the novelty of snow wore of quickly.

In the nautical and meteorological worlds, a track is a noun; it can be the path something (ship or storm) did follow, is following or will follow. I think the weathergeeks now use track as a verb to indicate movement of a weather system along a predicted path – as if there aren’t already enough verbs to indicate movement. I don’t remember ever using it as a verb in my days at sea.

It’s beautiful and sunny here in Central Texas, plus there’s great Mexican food! Jealous? I know you are ;-)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Thanks, Carlos. Now I'm REALLY jealous. And I'll be even more jealous in a few minutes, when I go outside in the cold to defrost my car!

EVula said...

Actual snowfall is somewhat of a rarity in Nashville. I could adopt you, but I'm not sure where you'd stay; I use the second bedroom as an office, though it does have a futon you could sleep on when I'm not working. At least you wouldn't have to worry about improper grammar. ;)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ EVula: True, I wouldn't have to worry about improper grammar *from you*, but you're in the heart of country music territory, and I know from my time working in country radio that those musicians use some truly scary grammar! I'd have to start an audio version of Red Pen, Inc. just to chronicle it all!