Thursday, January 29, 2009

I BET THEIR COPY EDITORS DIED ON OCEANIC FLIGHT 815... for January 29, 2009

I BET THEIR COPY EDITORS DIED ON OCEANIC 815 is the newest weekly feature on Red Pen, Inc. It's a combination of recapping last night's episode of Lost and mocking some Lost-related bad writing. We can only assume that the publications whose writing is featured here must have had copy editors aboard Oceanic 815, and once the plane crashed and the copy editors died, the cheap-ass publications didn't hire anyone else to replace them...which results in the crappy writing/grammar/spelling found in this feature.


Thanks to fellow Lostie MAGGIE for finding this picture for us! Not only can that writer not spell survivor properly, but it's like he's playing the "How many different ways can I misspell Daniel Faraday's name?" (Answer: Precisely 2.)

Now on to the Lost recap. WARNING! POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

(Also, don't forget to check out Doc Jensen's thoughts on Jughead!)

Was anyone else getting sort of, um, lost in this episode? My head was spinning by the time 10:00 rolled around. To sit there and watch Locke approach Richard to tell Richard that they've actually already met, but in the future, and then to find out it's 1954, and John wasn't even born until 1956, and then there's another freakin' flash and all the others go away... My pretty little brain was a wee bit overloaded, to say the least.

OK, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll begin at the beginning. Holy shit, Desmond and Penny have a kid. And that kid is named Charlie. I thought that was very touching. And then Desmond (who looked totally, ridiculously, jaw-droppingly hot in this episode. His hair looked hot, his outfit was quite dapper, and his accent is to die for. Desmond can be my constant anytime!) runs off to try to find Faraday's mother. Instead he finds Faraday's little lair, and then goes to see who I'm guessing is Daniel's former ladyfriend, who--from the looks of her--I'm thinking had one too many experiments done on her poor little brain. And then we happen to find out that Charles Widmore is the person who's been funding Faraday's research. And then Desmond barrels on in to Widmore's office to find out where Faraday's mother is. She's in LA, which makes me really strongly suspect that she is the woman Ben's been dealing with in LA. And then Desmond lies to Penny about Faraday's mother, saying she's dead (why exactly did he lie?), and Penny sees through the lie and now she wants to go with him to find her...

Meanwhile, on the island, Sawyer/Juliet/Locke have managed to catch 2 of the guys in uniform, who are apparently Others...from a loooong time ago. Juliet recognizes this because she hears them speaking Latin. She starts speaking Latin to them, completely befuddling the hotness that is Sawyer, and she tells these guys she wants to see Richard Alpert. They looked pretty stunned. And while all this is going on, Faraday/Charlotte/Miles have gotten themselves captured by these Others and hauled back to the Others' camp. Faraday claims he's in love with Charlotte and takes on the daunting task of attempting to disable a big-ass hydrogen bomb, labeled Jughead, that's hangin' out in a wooden frame in a field. The chick who escorts Faraday to the bomb looks eerily reminiscent of Faraday's ladyfriend that Desmond saw when he was in Oxford. Faraday's trying to convince this chick to let him seal up the bomb (which is leaking) and then bury it. She was having an awfully difficult time wrapping her head around the fact that the reason he knew it would be OK if they buried it is because he knew that the island was OK 50 years in the future and that the bomb hadn't blown it up; therefore it must be OK to bury it now. Sawyer and Juliet come out of the woods, thinking that the chick escorting Faraday to the bomb is actually escorting him to his death, so they surround her... Which is about the same time that (as mentioned above) Locke's talking to Richard...(and guess who's there when the two of them are talking? A younger version of...Charles Widmore!). And then there's a flash, and it's just Locke, Sawyer, Juliet, Miles, Charlotte, and Faraday...

And Charlotte is bleeding from the nose. Profusely. And convulsing. Time-travel sickness. Faraday runs to comfort her, and...the episode ends. BASTARDS.

So, dear readers...do you think Charlotte's gonna make it? Did you notice any other pertinent details, and/or do you have any different interpretations of the episode? And the most important thing to ponder... Who looked hotter in this episode--Desmond or Sawyer? (For once, my vote is...*gasp*...not Sawyer!) Weigh in below, in the comments!



18 comments:

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Okay, I don't know if I am on to something, but I am going to try. Do you remember when Richard visited Locke when he was a boy? He put those objects in front of him and said, which one of these belongs to you? I barely remember the scene, but I think one of the objects was that compass. And then Richard gets all upset when he doesn't choose the compass. I don't know what it means though.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

HLP, I think you *are* on to something. I remember Locke chose the knife instead...and that Richard didn't seem too happy about it...

I wonder what that means! Damn these episodes that bring up more questions! :)

Brian said...

“Fatal time travel disease.” I caught that doing the Butthole Surfers reunion tour.

You can not have 'met' in the 'future.' You can only have met in the past.

If they've met for the first time in the future and then meet again in the past their future has now become their past and the past their future regardless of where the event takes place on the linear time line. Time is linear. The ability to travel from one place on the time line to another does not change time from linear to random. For the rest of the physical universe events still take place in the proper sequence. Sequence is determined by the order of events taking place.

If they meet for the first time in 2050 and the encounter each other for the second time in 2009 their sequence of events is only traveling in the opposite direction on the time line from the rest of physical universe. Their past is occurring in our future and their future is occurring in our past or current. Their sequence remains the same and anything that happens to them for the first time is in their past and subsequent events in their future.

The same rules of linear time apply to anything that has taken place for them prior to 2009 they simply have two pasts on the time line as well as two futures as well as two currents. When they return to progressing on the time line in the same direction as the rest of the physical universe and reach the point on the time line in 2050 where the event took place it will be in their past, their current and in our current.

They are just going to have a lot more frequent flier miles than the rest of us.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Your explanation sounds reasonably logical, but we're talking Lost here, and it's got its own type of logic to it. Lost logic allows polar bears to roam around tropical islands, allows islands to move in space and time, makes it so that certain people never age, heals people who are sickened or crippled...

You really should watch the show. It's a lot to wrap your brain around sometimes, but it's fantastic. :)

Brian said...

Oh.

Well you didn't mention the bear.

Erika said...

As I wipe the drool from my mouth...I totally agree - Desmond (*tear* sorry Sawyer) made me loose all sense of non-grammar self control during this episode.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Yes, Brian. There were polar bears. My redneck, studmuffin, future husband Sawyer shot one in the jungle. :)

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

@ Erika: I had no idea Desmond could look THAT damn good! He looked so classy...the hot hair and his hot accent almost made me forget about my lust for Sawyer. ;)

Brian said...

Okay, so let me make sure I've got this straight.

Your imaginary husband, (who has the same name as my dog,) shot a time traveling poler bear in a jungle on an island that can travel through space, with a thermonuclear device on it named after a character from a 1939 comic strip and a girl who demands in Latin that two guys she's never met before take her to see the brother of a Grammy Award wining trumpet player from the 1960s, and a guy who has a fetish for girls with nose bleeds.

Can I have your dealer's number please?

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

I have a lot of imaginary husbands. Sawyer's one of the few imaginary husbands who isn't a baseball player. :)

Laura Payne said...

Just watched it yesterday. Without a doubt, Desmond gets my vote. As hot as Sawyer is, he has just been looking too unkempt of late. I know they are on an island in the middle of nowhere without access to grooming products, but still.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Laura, I wholeheartedly agree with you. :)

Desmond can be my constant ANYTIME! :)

Kati McCauley said...

OK, I don't have and TV channels, so I watch everything online. Then I forgot to go back and look at your Lost post until today. There was one thing that really stuck out in my mind while watching this episode: Locke is four years younger than my mom?!?! NO FREAKING WAY!! Unless of course it takes place in the near future, which is possible considering the show always has been filmed in an out-of-time sense (and besides, Terry O'Quinn is actually the same age as her).

On another note, I've started watching old episodes of Angel, and guess who played "Good Looking Guy" on the first episode. None other than Josh Holloway. Shock and awe.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hi, Kati! Yeah, I was surprised at how young Locke's character was, too! He always seems so much older than he really is.

Oooh...I might just have to go watch an episode of Angel. ;) Thanks for the heads-up!

Kati McCauley said...

Yeah, he dies in the first five minutes. He was only in it long enough for me to say to myself, "Sawyer! Oh wait, he's a bad guy."

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Kati, I'm confused--who dies in the first 5 minutes? (I've still got my mind wrapped around last night's episode...did someone die in the previous week's episode and I'm not aware of it?) Help! :)

Kati McCauley said...

Sorry. In Angel, Josh Holloway's character dies in the first five minutes.

I'll try to watch last night's episode of list tonight so I don't have to avoid your post about it.... :-D

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Oh! Duh. I was having a dense moment. :)

Last night's episode was great--I think you'll enjoy it! I'm hearing that the episode in 2 weeks will be big, though--one of those "holy crap" episodes. I already can't wait...