Thursday, January 22, 2009


I BET THEIR COPY EDITORS DIED ON OCEANIC 815 is the newest weekly feature on Red Pen, Inc. It's a combination of recapping last night's episode of Lost and mocking some Lost-related bad writing. We can only assume that the publications whose writing is featured here must have had copy editors aboard Oceanic 815, and once the plane crashed and the copy editors died, the cheap-ass publications didn't hire anyone else to replace them...which results in the crappy writing/grammar/spelling found in this feature.

Before watching episode 1 of the fifth season of Lost, I took a little Lost-related quiz I found on the internet. I scored 66%--hey, I've still only seen half the third season, and I didn't watch ANY of the seasons in order, so whaddya expect? :) But even worse than my quiz score is the quality of grammar in question #13...

The first two errors are picky little things--just typos, omitted letters. But I laughed my butt off when I saw "The Count of Mounty Cristo." Mounty?!? It's totally Monte. Or at least it should be...

(For the record, the correct answer to this question was choice B.)

Now on to the Lost recap, or what passes for one (my mind's still on the hotness that is Sawyer; I can't think clearly right now). WARNING! POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

* Shirtless Sawyer is undoubtedly the best damn thing I'd seen all day.

* Who the hell is Jill (the older chick talking to Ben)? What's her deal?

* What's happening to Charlotte? Why isn't Faraday really trying to stop it?

* The Hurley scenes were touching. I find it interesting that while other people simply regret leaving the island, Hurley puts special emphasis on regretting the fact that they lied.

* Sun's getting edgier. I love it!

* I love how bad-ass Sayid is. Impaling that dude on the knives in a dishwasher? Awesome.

* Notice how Ben never answered whether or not Locke was really dead. he? Or isn't he?

* Who's the annoying Neil guy who just sorta showed up out of nowhere?

* Oh, shit, now there's MORE guys on the show with hot accents. (I can't take it anymore! I want to move to England or Australia!) Or maybe not, since Locke got at least one of them with a well-aimed knife throw...

* Worst scene of the whole entire night: When Sawyer got a shirt again.

* Ana Lucia told Hurley to stay away from cops. Sayid told Hurley to do the opposite of what Ben said to do. Hurley took Sayid's advice, which led him...running outside to the cops. Hmmm...

* Is it just me, or is Richard kind of hot? (He also looks like he's wearing guyliner, doesn't he?)

* Did anyone else watch the little hour of Lost catch-up before the two-hour season premiere? (I did, and I thought it REALLY helped me remember things and get me up to speed, especially since I still haven't seen a few Lost episodes from season 3.)

For the absolute hands-down best Lost recaps around, you've gotta check out Doc Jensen from Entertainment Weekly. Click here to see his review of last night's episode!

Dear readers, what did you think of last night's episode? Favorite/least favorite moments? Talk to me in the Comments section...


HorribleLicensePlates said...

1. Richard is totally wearing guyliner. Doesn't he kind of look like the guy from Maroon 5?
2. I wish they would have used more C4 in this episode, but I will take the burning arrows.
3. Do you think Sawyer has a thing for crazy-lipped Juliet?
4. I was kind of hoping Neil would get pierced with a burning arrow.
5. Can't wait for next week!

b13 said...

Of course I watched it! I loved the simplistic space time explanation and the guillotine mapping device. Very good season opener in general and I can't wait until next week!


OMG! Is it next week already?


@ HLP:
1. Yeah, he does kinda look like Adam Levine (who is also quite hot)!
2. I thought the burning arrows were a nice touch.
3. For a while they've seemed to be hinting (in articles and stuff) about a possible Sawyer/Juliet fling. I'd be interested to see how that pans out...although I will always want Sawyer and Kate to get together (they're perfect for each other).
4. Yeah, so was I!
5. Me too! Maybe somebody else will swipe Sawyer's shirt... ;)


@ b13: I thought it was a great first episode, too. They didn't over-complicate the space/time stuff, which I appreciated.

One of my favorite scenes last night:
"Son of a--"

Magnolia said...

Richard is NOT wearing guyliner! I was totally surprised to learn that when I read this interview yesterday:

lowlife said...

Thank god it's back. And I like the direction they're going with time travel and as long as they stay true to their own rules of physics, etc. in the show, this is going to be a great season.

1. Speaking of time travel - my personal thought is that some of the events that have taken place in earlier seasons were no doubt shaped by what's going to happen in these next 2 seasons. For example, I believe Locke is really Jacob. That would explain why Locke could not see him when he met him (the world would implode or something). And it might explain why the Others treat Jacob as the ultimate leader.

2. Also, I think Neil was in an episode from last season (always complaining back then) - and it was nice to see his pansy-ass bite it with an arrow.

3. The lady (Mrs. Hawking) at the end saying we're all doomed is the jewelry shop lady that talked to Desmond about his fate and she knew things and explained to Desmond about how the universe has a way of "course correcting" like how Charlie would need to die. It's interesting that she's this semi-omniscient person who may be in charge of the Others. I like it. Question: Is she Faraday's mother that he mentioned to Desmond?

4. My question is....are the Others actually good? They say that the world is doomed if they don't get back to the island. And is Widmore really just a bad guy looking to exploit the island? I guess we really won't know these big picture answers until the last season.

This whole season should be a blast. Thanks for the post!


@ Maggie: WOW! I was shocked to read that! So I guess Nestor's just naturally pretty! :)

By the way, when I clicked that link to read the article, in that article was ANOTHER link that briefly discusses the "Jughead" episode. That sounds like it's gonna be one of those "holy crap!" kinds of episodes. I'm already so stoked to see the episode and so intrigued by what that article said!


@ lowlife: Ooh, I LOVE your theory on how Locke = Jacob! That makes perfect sense. VERY smart!

Yeah, when I read the Doc Jensen article, I saw that Neil was in a previous episode. (I've missed a few season 2 and 3 episodes, so that may be why I didn't see him before.)

I'm intrigued by Mrs. Hawking. I didn't recognize her from the jewelry shop (hell, I don't remember that episode...I'm in the process or watching/re-watching seasons 2 and 3 now, so maybe I'll see that episode soon). I, too, was wondering if she was Faraday's mother...

I've always wondered if the Others were good or not. Ben's done a lot of bad stuff, like killing people, but he always seems to be doing it for this greater purpose that we don't know all that much about. It's an intriguing question/issue. I do feel like Widmore's definitely a bad guy, though.

I'm so psyched for this season, too! I am already ridiculously excited for next Wednesday! :)

Brian said...

Could have been worse:

Monty Christ-o and the Holy Boil

Butiny on the Mounty

Or should that be Britney on the Mounty?

If I'd known she had a thing for guys in uniform I would have worn my lederhosen to the last show.
(You haven't seen sexy girls, until you've seen a man in leather shorts.)

Really, the possibilities are endless. I have a ton more if you want to hear them.


@ Brian: Leather shorts? I suspect that's a fashion DON'T...

ChicagoLady said...

I think I watched the first two episodes of Lost and then never went back. I do love the "Mounty Cristo" typo though, that is classic!


ChicagoLady, you are missing the hotness that is Sawyer! ;)

He uses some truly terrible redneck grammar, but he's appealing enough that I'd easily forgive him. ;)

Ranielle said...

Early on in the episode, I could feel my eyes sort of go glassy as I stared and wondered, "How long can Sawyer possibly remain shirtless and will I remember anything else that happens in the meantime?"

Nestor Carbonell always looks like that. The gorgeous bastard.

I recognized Sean Whalen (the guy who plays Neil Frogurt) from NEVER BEEN KISSED and THAT THING YOU DO!. I always enjoy a show like "LOST" that can bring on people I recognize (no matter how obscure) and then unapologetically kill them off almost immediately.

I'm not in love with their "you can't change the past because if it didn't happen it can't happen" explanation regarding time travel. 1) Because Faraday gives this explanation, and then immediately undermines it by making contact with Desmond. 2) Because it's ultra-convenient. Without it, I would question how Flight 815 could land on the island when the island is no longer where it was when the flight crashed, so therefore none of these people should be on the island, etc.

But I will say, when Faraday began explaining time like a piece of string, I immediately thought of Dr. Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula, be still my heart!).


Thank goodness for Doc Jensen's recaps, which will help us figure out anything that happened while Sawyer was running around shirtless. :)

I think Richard's a really interesting character...even more so because Nestor IS indeed quite hot!

I noticed the same inconsistencies you did, but I figure that the inconsistencies are SO obvious that they were almost done on purpose and Lost will, as per usual, have a good reason for this and will (eventually) clarify everything. :)

I've never seen the shows Scott Bakula was on...I'm woefully uneducated when it comes to most TV shows!