Friday, July 18, 2008

FABULOUS GRAMMAR FRIDAY for July 17, 2008

I've been reading a lot of stuff over at deadspin.com lately because, well, I like sports (aaaaand attractive athletes). The other day, I found one post, written by Matt Sussman, that really stood out to me. Its grammar is pretty good--nothing spectacular, just reasonably good. Yes, there are a few awkward-sounding phrases and small errors in his blog post, but I'm overlooking them because Sussman did what I could never in a million years have done--write coherently about the 2008 All-Star Game. As a whole, his blog succeeds where mine definitely would have failed.

Click here to check out Sussman's 2008 All-Star Game live blog. If you're a baseball fan, please go read it--it's witty, well-written, and informative.

Below is what my account of the 2008 All-Star Game would have looked like had I dared to try writing about it in depth (Ha! Depth! My account is so...not deep!). After reading Sussman's blog, I'm sure you'll be able to see why his account of the game is way more informative than anything I'd have written... Now, mine below is made up of proper grammar, but had I actually written this during the game (like when Sussman wrote his post), it would have probably been full of typos and bad grammar due to how massively distracted I'd have been while watching hot men in pinstripes...

--CHASE! Did you almost let that ball hit you in the head? Oh, c'mere, Chuttles. I'll make it all better.

--OMG OMG OMG THERE'S JOSH HAMILTON!!!! Never mind that I didn't know who he was 24 hours ago--now I've deemed him Hottest Non-Phillie Ever. This is all the fault of his tattoos. if he didn't have all the tattoos, he'd just be kinda hot. But he is AMAZINGLY hot. Purr.

--JOE MAUER!!!! My new favorite catcher! I'm almost becoming convinced that AL players are hotter than NL players...

--Hey, Cliff Lee almost kinda-sorta looks like Mike Delfino. Hmmm...

--A-Rod's pretty hot. I never noticed that before. Somebody's gotta be a hot Yankee now that Phillips isn't on the team anymore. I guess that somebody is A-Rod.

--Ryan Braun, you look so fucking young. I can't possibly think you're cute; you look like your voice still squeaks when you talk.

--Chipper Jones...not bad, not bad. Although if we're talking Braves, I'm totally a Francoeur girl. But Francoeur was nowhere near making it to the All-Star game this year. Hell, he was barely back in major league baseball by that point...

--Matt Holliday, are you cute or not? Off with the hat. I can't tell what the hell you look like with that silly hat on. On a side note, I hate the Rockies' uniforms; they look so out of style.

--What is the deal with Grady Sizemore? I'm not convinced he's hot. Not at all. Sorry, Grady's Ladies. I just don't see it. Yet. Convince me.

--Is the entire Texas Rangers team hot? They almost have more hot players than the Phillies do. Holy shit, I think I actually have a reason to visit Texas sometime.

--Justin Morneau--a little too blonde for my taste, but he's a cutie. Not hot, necessarily, but cute.

--I cannot believe I dumped Evan Longoria off my fantasy team. IDIOT. IDIOT. IDIOT.

--Fuck you, JD Drew.

--Joe Nathan? Is hot? He's on my fantasy baseball team (picked purely for his talent) and I didn't even know he was kinda hot? WTF? Am I losing my touch?

--Who is this Wilson dude on the Giants who's hot? I need to get to know this guy. And not because I need another reliever on my fantasy team.

--Billy Wagner, I effin' HATE you even more than I usually hate you. WAY TO GO, ASSHOLE.

--Fuck you again, JD Drew.

--Ooh, I like it when the camera pans to the NL dugout. Hi, Chase!!!!!! [waves madly at the TV]

--Dan Uggla, you SUCK. You were cute until you made that error.

--Uggla, you're pushing it. Error #2. Now you're really not cute.

--Ugh. Corey Hart. Pat Burrell should have beaten you in the NL All-Star last pick contest, you know. He'd have looked a hell of a lot better out there. Granted, he still can't run worth beans, but his hair would be perfect. Because, you know, that sort of thing matters.

--AL dugout? Josh sofreakinhotIjustwannascream Hamilton! *squeal* Hey! Camera! No need to pan back to the game! We're in extra innings. That's not exciting at all!

--McLouth, whoever you are, your hair is kinda hot.

--Ooooh, Brad Lidge. This guy's growing on me. He's kinda hot. He's no Cole Hamels, but he's not chopped liver, either.

--Fuck. I wanted this long-ass baseball game to end...but not like that. Damn you, American League. I'd totally hate you right now if you didn't have a bunch of hot players on your All-Star team.

[end boy-crazy baseball rant]

Happy Friday, everyone! :)

4 comments:

sitboaf said...

Once again, the bad league loses to the superior league. Even in a tight, 1-run, NL-style contest. Even with only 14 teams of players vs. 16 NL teams.
Not that Francona is a genius (I'm sure you hate him, too.), but 2 WS Titles in 4 years is pretty impressive.
Even better than seeing NL fans squirm when JD Drew smacked a home run was hearing New York Bankees fans boo when he rescued the game for their OWN TEAM!
Good luck to the Phillies or Cubbies or D-Bags or whoever stumbles their way to the NL title. Enjoy getting your asses kicked by the Sox or Twins or Rays(?) in October.

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Yeah, what's up with the NL being so consistently rotten in this game?

Nah, I've got nothing against Francona personally. From what I've heard, he's a pretty good manager. His recent WS titles are impressive. I don't like the Sox, but I don't mind Francona.

The Yankees fans must have been SO confused--"Hey, do we root for Drew, who's on OUR team this time, or do we just boo him because no matter what, he's still one of the Red Sox?" As a Phillies fan, I loathe JD Drew, but had he been on the NL's team making all those good plays, I think that I could have slightly liked him for a couple hours (mayyyyybe).

I'd like to see the Phillies and Cubs in the playoffs this year--maybe even the Brewers, too. (And whoever would have expected that the Rays would be a playoff possibility this year? Wow.)

LaBajista said...

I'm not a Mets fan (hell, I know you are NOT!) but I gotta say, Carlos Beltran is HOT! I have a bit of a thing for Josh Hamilton as well, I must admit, but Beltran, oh my!! I've never had a crush on a player ever, the way I have on Beltran! (even with that chocolate chip thing he has on his ear, but I wish he'd get it removed or keep his hat on) Still love looking at him though! :)

And I'll disclose that I'm a Yankees fan (hate me if you must, but I can't change now!!) but I really want to see the Cubs and the Rays in the World Series this year.

It helps that my two mlb.com fantasy teams have those teams for pitching, but I swear, it is not related. :)

Love the blog,
LaBajista

THE GRAMMARPHILE said...

Hey, LaBajista!

I've never taken a good look at Beltran--even though he's part of The Enemy, I'll have to do that! I already like one player on that evil team--Ryan Church! (Kinda blasphemous for a Phillies girl to think a Mets player is cute, but whatever. If he's cute enough, I can make an exception...)

I'm a Yankees fan, too--sort of. They're my second favorite team. Half the players on my fantasy baseball team are Yankees, so of course I have to like them! :) (And I don't hate *any* baseball fan, even if they're a Mets or Sox fan...haha!)

If I had my way, the World Series this year would be Phils/Yankees, but I think hell will freeze over before I get that lucky!

Glad you like the blog, thanks for reading, and it's always great to see another baseball fan around here! :)