Sunday, January 13, 2008

This one's REALLY vulgar. You've been warned.

This might be one of the most vulgar Red Pen entries on record. At first glance it looks innocent enough because it appears it could be about a baby polar bear, and how could anything about baby polar bears be vulgar?

It's all about the word squacks.

I saw this headline on a well-respected news website, and the first thing I thought was, "What the hell is this squacks bullshit?" I wondered if they meant to say squeaks or squawks instead, and then I considered that since they're talking about a bear and not some sort of bird that this might not make the most sense, either. So I looked up squack in the dictionary and--not surprisingly--it wasn't there. I briefly wondered if this news website was making up words for the hell of it--something I do frequently, but Grammarphiles are allowed to do that stuff, and the folks at this website clearly aren't Grammarphiles.

Then I Googled squacks. And I discovered that yes, squack is a real word.

I know you're probably dying to know what squack means now, right? According to the

Urban Dictionary, it means any one of the following...

"1. Slang for vagina ("my squack is itchy to get laid")

2. Slang term for the seminal fluid of the human male. Onomatapaeic, referring to the sound of the ejaculation. ("Arrrgh! You fucker! You got squack in my hair!")
3. A person who combines physical repulsiveness beyond the level required for "coyote ugly" with a level of annoying beyond Steve Urkel. ("Dude, Melinda is such a squack.")
4. Spanking the vulva prior to, in between, or after sexual intercourse of any kind. ("As I ate her out, I gave her a couple of squacks, which made her gasp.")
5. Reference to an attractive female, one who is worth the effort in achieving the ultimate goal of sex with. ("I would sure love to pound that Squack!")"

I'm fairly certain that the baby polar bear wasn't squacking for milk. I don't know what exactly he was doing, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't squacking. Innocent, sweet little polar bears don't squack.

And now you, dear reader, know what squack means. Aren't you just thrilled to pieces?

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