Sunday, July 8, 2007

Confessions of a grammar goddess...

Yes, yes, I know. I haven't been mocking bad grammar much lately. How unsnarky of me, right? I now have a fantastic new job at a major publication in New York--a job that works very well with my grammar/writing/web skills. It's going to be a lot more fun, and it's going to allow me more free time than my job in radio did, which means you'll be seeing a lot more updates here at Red Pen, Inc.

In the meantime, MoJoe from In The Mailbox has tagged me for a meme. Apparently the theme of the meme is "Eight things you'll regret asking about." That means I have to write about eight things that are deep, dark, TMI blurbs of info. I think you'll find this amusing...

1. Am I the only one who noticed that the theme of the meme ends in a preposition? It should really be "Eight things about which you'll regret asking." I'm such a freakin' geek.

2. When I was in sixth grade, I was in the county spelling bee. I placed tenth. The word that I messed up was "oncogeny." The moderator of the spelling bee pronounced it like it had another n in it, like "oncongeny," and so that's how I spelled it. I'm still a little steamed about that.

3. When I was in kindergarten, I already knew how to read and write. The problem was that kindergarten bored me, and so I entertained myself by taking crayons and writing on whatever surfaces were available to me at the time--namely, my desk. (And of course whatever I wrote was always written/spelled properly, because I was just that good.) Is it any surprise that the kindergarten teacher hated me?

4. I still use 100% perfect grammar, spelling, and punctuation when I'm drunk. I write better while drunk than most people do when they're completely sober.

5. I think people who are really, really good with grammar should be allowed to make up their own words. I do this all the time. Sephoraing, apostrophize, grammartastic...the list goes on and on.

6. I have a peculiar obsession with semicolons. I love them. I use them all the time. When I was writing my thesis for English 404 back in college, my professor actually had to point it out to me that there was a semicolon in, like, every other sentence. If you really want to see me get pissed off, misuse a semicolon. I assure you, a scathing and hilarious rant will follow.

7. In a stats class I took in high school, on Fridays the teacher would reward my class by dividing us into two teams and playing games of Jumbles with us. I'm uncannily good at Jumbles because I'm always looking at words and playing around with the letters in my head, making new words using those letters, etc. Hit me with a scrambled word and I can almost immediately tell you what that word is. Eventually, after my Jumbles team always kicking the crap out of the other Jumbles team, they dubbed me the Jumbles Queen and made me be my own team, everybody versus me. I still kicked their ass.

8. If you happen to hang out with me sometime, never let me talk you into playing me in a game of Boggle. You'll lose. My boyfriend and my mother are fantastic grammarians and word nerds, and I have beaten them so many times and by so many points that my mother refuses to play Boggle with me anymore and my boyfriend simply avoids it. It's great to have me on your team when you're playing any sort of word game, but if you're playing against me, you're doing so at your own risk. And you will lose. Badly.

Check back in a day or two; there's more grammar-related snarkiness on the way...

(There's that damn semicolon again. I just couldn't help it.)

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