Monday, December 11, 2006

A Picture's Worth a Thousand (Misspelled) Words

Lefty Lemur: Be vigilant! Stay on your guard! They could be on their way right this minute!

Righty Lemur: What? [whips head around] Who?

Lefty [hushed]: The Spelling Bs!

Righty: The who?

Lefty: The Spelling Bs! You know, those dim-witted humans who only got Bs in spelling class? Apparently some of them live in Philadelphia—maybe here in this very zoo!--and can’t even spell the name of the city correctly!

Righty: These Spelling Bs…are they dangerous?

Lefty: Dangerous? Oh, no. But their stupidity is known to be contagious.

Righty: What happens if they get too close to us?

Lefty: We have to spell polysyllabic words really loudly, really quickly, and that scares them off, intimidates them. The trick is, we’ve gotta do it when they’re close enough to hear us but are standing too far away to infect us with their Spellatitis B virus.

Righty: Tough words like…mayonnaise? Bicycle?

Lefty: HA! Those are great words—yes, those would sufficiently scare them away. But even a benign-sounding two-syllable word like cherry might be enough to scare ‘em off.

Righty: We’re primates and we can spell better than those silly humans can.

Lefty: They should be glad we’re primates and not groundhogs.

Righty: Why’s that?

Lefty: Can you see them trying to spell Punxsutawney on the Groundhog Day postcards?

Righty: Look left! ON YOUR GUARD! Here they come!

Lefty and Righty [at the top of their lungs]: SCHUYLKILL! S-C-H-U-Y-L-K-I-L-L! SCHUYLKILL!

[Both lemurs breathe a sigh of relief as the Spelling Bs quickly retreat back to their land of reversed consonants and other evil vermin.]

Lefty: Ahhh, Schuylkill. That gets ‘em every time!

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